The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Homer Simpson Quotes
Homer: Yeah, but doesn't the money go to schools?
Apu: You have been to our schools, what do you think?
If I wanted to pay for commercials I can't skip, I'd sign up for Hulu Plus.
Marge: Homey, you sure know how to please a woman.
Homer: As long as it doesn't involve losing weight or changing my pants.
Homer: Is that a good siren? Am I approved?
Bob: You ever known a siren to be good? (Chuckles) No, Mr. Simpson, it's not. It's a bad siren. That's the computer in case I went blind, telling me, "Sell the vehicle to this fella, and you're outta business." That's what the siren says.
(Herb gives the Simpsons a tour of his mansion.)
Herb: While you're here, I want you to make yourselves right at home. Anytime you're hungry, anytime day or night, Cook will make you anything you want.
Homer: Even pork chops?
Herb: Absolutely. We have a tennis court, a swimming pool, a screening room--
Homer: You mean, if I want pork chops, even in the middle of the night, your guy will fry 'em up?
Herb: Sure. That's what he's paid for. Now, if you need towels, laundry--
Homer: Wait!
Herb: Maids--
Homer: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Let me see if I've got this straight. It's Christmas day, 4:00 a.m., there's a rumble in my stomach--
Marge: Homer, please!
Herb: (Laughs and grabs Homer around the shoulder.) Your old man sure loves pork chops!
Bart: (Laughs) He sure does, Uncle Herb.
Ok Marge we can go to the circus, maybe I can finally find out why a man would think a stool is a proper defense against a lion.
Bart: Well Dad, here's my report card. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Homer: A+!? You don't think much of me do you, boy?
Bart: No, sir.
Homer: You know a D turns into a B so easily. You just got greedy.
McClure: Here's an appealing fellow. In fact, they're a-peeling him off the sidewalk.
Homer: Hehehe, It's funny cause I don't know him.
Oh, what kind of erotic asphyxia?
Veterinarian: This is the part of the job I hate the most. (Tosses hampster into trashcan with mini-basketball hoop)
Homer: Hey, you did the best you could.
Veterinarian: I love animals. I spend my life saving them and they can't thank me. Well, the parrots can. Let's see what's wrong with this one.
Man: Hello, I'm calling from Delinquent Accounts at Kumatsu Motors.
Homer: Oh, you want the Mr. Plow who plows driveways. This is Tony Plow, you know, from Leave It To Beaver.... Yeah they were gay.
Bart: Does it have its own satellite dish, sir?
Bob: You can tell your son it has its own satellite. The VanStar One, launched last February, just for this thing, that's all.
Bart: Whoa, man!
Marge: I'm not sure that we can afford--
Homer: Does it have a deep fryer?
Bob: It has four of them--one for each part of the chicken.
