The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Homer Simpson Quotes
(falling off a ski lift) Aw, c'mon gravity! You used to be cool.
(rapping) I'm Mr. Plow and I'm here to say, I'm the plowingest guy in the USA. I got a big plow and I move a lot of things, just like your cow if you have one!
Marge: Homer, you cannot miss Lisa's big day. And you have to come sober!
Homer: American sober or Irish sober?
Marge: Point zero eight sober.
Homer: Point one five.
Marge: Point zero nine.
Homer: Point one oh, with a stomach full of bread. My final offer.
Marge: (Groans) Deal.
Bart: Dad, are you gonna snitch on me?
Homer: Moes before bros.
Homer: (the phone rings) What the..... D'oh, stupid welcoming mint! (picks up phone) Yallow!
Bart: Good morning, this is your wake up call!
Homer: Wake up call? It's 2am!
Bart: Sorry fatso!
Homer: What are you getting at?
Lisa: Well, you're always trying to teach me to be open-minded, try new things, live life to the
Homer: What are you talking about? Nobody's trying to teach you that!
Wow, for free! Surplus drums of mayonnaise from operation "Desert Storm!"
(Krusty Burger in the middle of the sea)
Guy: We tried to tell you these are unmanned oil rigs.
Krusty: Ah, close the damn thing down, no one's ever going to come.
Homer: (bursts in door) Give me 700 Krusty Burgers!
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Do you want fries with that?
(Homer digs into a big pile of burgers)
Bart: You did it, Dad! You saved us!
Homer: (mouth full) Go away. Eating.
Marge: What are you doing?
Homer: I'm writing a delicious send-up of Mr. Burns for his birthday party. Is poo-poo one word or two?
Homer: Now, I'm not saying Mr. Burns is incontinent...
Bart: Incontinent! (laughs) Too rich!
Lisa: Does either of you know what incontinent means?
Homer: Lisa, don't spoil our fun.
Lisa: Dad, can I have some money to buy Bart a birthday present?
Homer: Here you go.
Lisa: (Counts the money) Dad, this is $110!
Homer: Oh, sorry. (Gives her the whole wallet)
Homer: Where's that waitress of yours?
Moe: Oh, she left to pursue a movie career. Frankly, I think she was better off here.
Sorry Marge. I gotta call bullcrap on that one. The '69 Mets will live on forever, but you think anybody cares about Ron Swoboda's wife and kids? Not me, and I assume not Ron Swoboda.
