The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXHomer Simpson Quotes
(In "Married to the Blob," as Homer wanders through Springfield looking for things to eat, he happens upon a beach party full of teenagers.)
Homer: Ooh, teenagers! Mmm! (Gurgles and drools) No, today's teens have enough problems without me eating them!
Teenage Girl: Barbeque sauce fight!
(All the teens start squirting each other with Barbeque sauce, Squeaky Voiced Teen gets hit with some sauce and falls into a bonfire.)
Squeaky Voiced Teen: (Screaming) The flames are sealing in my juices!
Homer: I'll savor you!
(Homer grabs Squeaky Voiced Teen and takes a bite out of him.)
Homer: Mmm! Extra-virgin. (Gurgles and drools)
(Homer starts stuffing Squeaky Voiced Teen into his mouth.)
Squeaky Voiced Teen: (Screaming) Tell my friends I died kissing a girl!
Homer: No!
(Homer swallows Squeaky Voiced Teen.)
(In "Married to the Blob," Homer happens upon an Oktoberfest festival while roaming through the streets of Springfield on an eating rampage.)
Homer: (Gasps) Ooh. Beer-battered Germans.
(The crowd screams and scatters as Homer eats a couple Germans.)
German Man: What did we Germans ever do to deserve this?
(A second German man looks disapprovingly back at the other German.)
German Man: (Realizing) Oh, right.
(The two Germans dissolve inside of Homer's stomach.)
Homer: (Zombie-like) Must eat more fat people. Thank God I'm in America.
(In "Married to the Blob," after eating the green goo, Homer's stomach rumbles and he wakes up in a zombie-like trance.)
Homer: Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping.
(Homer heads down to the kitchen and raids the refrigerator.)
Homer: (Panting) Still hungry.
(Bart stumbles into the kitchen to see what is going on.)
Bart: Dad?
Homer: Son, let me have a lick at you.
(Homer stuffs Bart into his mouth and tries to eat him. Marge walks into the kitchen and clicks on the light.)
Marge: Homer! You won't eat my stuffed peppers, but you'll eat our son?
Homer: Nag, nag, nag.
(Homer pulls a squirming Bart out of his mouth.)
(In "Married to the Blob," Dr. Phil confronts Homer during one of his eating rampages.)
Dr. Phil: You've got a weight problem, and you know it!
Homer: You're right. Starting tomorrow, no bread before dinner.
Dr. Phil: Homer, don't sell me an outhouse and tell me it's a Taj Mahal!
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Homer, stop doing that!
Radio: Astronomers say the ominous capsules originated from Earth's closest neighbor.
Homer: Flanders?
Radio: Mars!
(At the Springfield Mall, Homer finishes eating his tube of gummy worms.)
Marge: Well, if you're through, let's check out that discount book warehouse.
Homer: (Whining) We already own a book!
(A depressed Homer watches as his scaled down model of "The Zoominator" roller coaster crumbles and burns.)
Lisa: Dad, here's a thought. If you just gave Mom credit, maybe she could help you.
Homer: Sweetie, you don't understand. If I can do this myself, then all those lies I told will be true. Don't you want Daddy's lies to be true?
Lisa: I'd like a daddy who lived in the real world!
Homer: To Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day.
(Marge hides as Kent Brockman inspects the gazebo she built.)
Kent Brockman: Mm-mmm! Simpson, you're a master craftsman.
Homer: Listen, what would you say if I told you a woman did most of the work?
Kent Brockman: I'd have this gazebo torn down and built into a coffin...for your manhood.
Homer: (Shrieks)
Kent Brockman: Why did my hypothetical scenario scare you so?
Homer: Uh, like all manly men, I have a vivid imagination.
Kent Brockman: Well said! Let's take off our shirts and wrestle.
Marge: Homer, your butt just gave me an idea.
Homer: Yep, it'll do that.
Homer: Boy, get dressed! You're going to a jazz brunch as punishment for all the racket you're making.
Bart: I thought you wanted me to drum?
Homer: Hmph. I'm sending you mixed messages. Now get the hell out of here! (slams door then opens it again) I love you so much. Damn you!
Mmm. Oh, this must be what angels taste like!
</i> Homer
Wow, your paintings have brush marks. (Gasps) And your statues have weiners!
</i> Homer
