The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXHomer Simpson Quotes
Jim Jarmusch: I can eat a raw onion without crying.
Homer: Oh yeah? Prove it, Hollywood!
(Jim Jarmusch eats an onion and tears up)
Homer: Hey, you're crying!
Jim Jarmusch: Yes, but I'm crying about something else.
Lisa: No toupees.
Homer: Whaaat, I'm going for the Shia LaBeouf thing. Not quite a nerd, not quite a hunk. Shia LaBeouf!
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
(Homer is in the slaughterhouse.)
Female PA voice: You are now entering the Killing Zone.
Homer: Hey, that sounds like Tress MacNeille!
Homer: Dad, are you sure you're okay to drive at night?
Grampa: It's night?
Homer: That's it, pull over!
Homer: Just sit still in my lap.
Bart: What lap?
Lisa: All I see is a gut with knees.
Homer: Why, you little!
Marge: Homie, I'm gonna be a dancer!
Homer: Go-go or boring?
Marge: Boring!
(Homer moans)
(Homer and Lisa are excited about the latest Angelica Button book.)
Lisa: The last book in the series goes on sale at midnight and we're gonna go stand in line.
Bart: Wait in line for a book?! You tell 'em Bart says hey.
Homer: Come on, boy. All the nerds are doing it.
Bart: I'm not a nerd. I'm a jock who's too cool for sports.
Homer: Son, while your mother and little mother are out, I'm gonna let you in on a deep, dark family secret.
Bart: You have a drinking problem?
Homer: I said secret.
This is my favorite family tradition, ice cream after a botched recital.
Stop saying things, Bart. That's the TV's job.
(Bart sees Lisa taking second-hand smoke and calls home.)
Homer: Yello. She what?! Oh, my God! Well, I'm going to settle this once and for all! Meet me at that place we discussed. (Hangs up)
Marge: Who was that?
Homer: Wrong number.
