Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXLois Griffin Quotes
Lois: Brian, you're not wearing the sweater I made you.
Brian: Well, y'know, it's a little warm in here...
Lois: "Don we now our gay apparel."
Brian: It doesn't get much gayer than this
Peter: Can't we tell them your mother died?
Lois: Peter, I'm not gonna lie about something like that!
Peter: Fine, I'll kill your mother. When did Christmas have to get so complicated?
Lois: Ewww, What's that smell?
Brian: It's either bad meat or good cheese...
Lois [at a drive through with Lois' sister in labor]: Peter, why have we stopped?
Peter: Yeah, I'll have 3 cheeseburgers...
Lois: Peter, for God's sake! She's having a baby!
Peter: Oh, that's right, and a kid's meal
Stewie: Well! Look at you there! Oh, you're a filthy girl, aren't you? Yees, yees, you're looking for a bad time, that's what you're after! Oh, you're a dirty flirt. You want it bad and you don't care who you get it from because you have no self-respect, and that gets you off, doesn't it? Aruff!
Lois: Stewie! Bad boy! That's Mommy's make-up. Oh, and you got it all over your father's favorite shirt. Now go to your room!
Brian: Wow. The evidence is really piling up.
Stewie: Make any joke you want. You know I look good
Lois: Peter, why are you staring into the dryer?
Peter: I'm watching the latest episode of Laundry Theater. See? Now those are Chris' socks, right? They don't know that Stewie's shirt is having an affair with Meg's trousers. It's fun to watch rich people be naughty!
Lois: Peter listen to me. My sister just called. Her baby's due any day now and Ted just walked out on her.
Peter: Woah! Woah! Back it up. You have a sister?
Lois: I promised her I'd be on the next train. Poor Carol. All alone in that big house.
Peter: Wait a minute. Carol. Is she the one with the Jacuzzi and the pool table?
Lois: Yeah.
Peter: Yeah, better come with you.
Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Uhh... we're playing House.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's House
Lois: If you kids don't knock it off, we're not goin' to McDonald's after church.
Meg and Chris: MOM!
Peter: Don't worry. We're goin'. B-B-But you don't get the Supersize.
Chris: OH!
Peter: Okay, you can Supersize. But no apple pie!
Meg: Oh, come on!
Peter: Okay, you get an apple pie, but you can't blow on it
Lois: Excuse me, we were about to use that.
Lady: You snooze, you lose, lady.
Lois: You have 2 choices. Either my baby swings from this jungle gym, or you do.
Stewie: Woohoo, Lois! Someone's wearing their ovaries on the outside
[Meg and Chris are raking leaves]
Chris: Hold it, Meg. Those two are mine.
Meg: What?
Chris: That's Randy and that's Fred. Randy's the messy one. Fred's very neat. And when you get them together, whoa! Hold onto your sides!
Meg: Nice to meet you both.
[Meg picks up the leaves and rubs them together]
Chris: Murderer!
[Chris chases after Meg and they get caught by Lois]
Lois: Stop it! Both of you! Starting now, you two are gonna love each other.
[Lois makes them hug]
Lois: Now stay that way!
Chris: It's gonna be weird to potty
Brian: What about the "writing angry letters and not sending them" exercise?
Peter: Aw geez, I wasn't supposed to send those?
Meg: Look, I got a letter from dad! Dear Meg, for the first four years of your life, I thought you were a housecat. Dad!
Stewie: Dear Stewie, get out. Oh, that's nice.
Lois: Mine just says Dear Lois, and after that it looks like someone just spit on the paper
