Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXLois Griffin Quotes
Lois: It's like our privates were shaking hands after a successful business deal in a swamp!
Peter: To me, it just proves that we're truly meant to be together.
Lois: I love you, Peter.
Peter: I love you too, Lois. [beat] By the way, you may have to become a full-on prostitute because our phone bill was $7,000.
Lois: Peter, can't you just use Sock Lois tonight?
Peter: No, Sock Lois doesn't feel authentic to me any more!
Cashier: This is a very nice set, you must be a phone whore.
Lois: You bet your sweet ass I am!
Lois: Now what are we going to do, we have no money!
Peter: Why it's okay, Lois, we have a wonderful family!
Lois: No we don't, there's Meg and Dummy and Big Head.
Peter: Well, I'll be on the lookout for great tits.
Lois: Peter!
Brian: Well actually Lois, that's a species of bird that's been known to frequent domestic birdhouses.
Chris: Mom, Dad, I need to get new sneakers.
Lois: What? I just bought you new sneakers!
Chris: I know, but I need cooler ones!
Peter: Shut up and stop complaining. When I was your age, I didn't even have sneakers! We wore stale hamburger buns.
Lois: No you didn't, Peter.
Peter: Shh! He doesn't know that, he's just a dumb fat loser! Did you see his shoes?
Lois: You know, Peter, since it's Valentine's Day, I was thinking let's do something we've never done before.
Peter: Release the virus?
Lois: Peter, are you ready for your Valentine's gift? [drops trenchcoat, is naked]
Stewie: No, but I'm ready for therapy.
Lois: Are you and Glenn thinking about children?
Charmese: Unfortunately, I can't have children.
Lois: Oh. Menopause?
Charmese: No, I got knifed in the vagina one Christmas.
Brian: Oh, the holidays are always stressful.
Peter: Lois, do you have any idea what i'm looking at right now?
Lois: Peter, we're not doing this again.
Peter: I am at Harvard, the smartest school in the country. And they have...
Lois: Peter, breakfast for dinner is anarchy!
Peter: It's fun, Lois! It's whimsical!
Lois: It's ridiculous! Pancakes are not a nighttime food!
Peter: You're ridiculous!
Lois: Remember kids, if it's terrible, at the end we all say "You did it!"
Stewie: I can't believe we're going to the theater the same day Chris drowned a mouse in a puddle. I mean, don't we need a day to clear our heads?
Brian: I think, I think we're launching!
Lois: Oh my god, everyone strap yourselves in! Stewie, hold my hand.
Stewie: No thanks, I prefer to die giving you the finger.
Peter: If this is what it takes to get out of Florida, fine.
