Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPeter Griffin Quotes
I'm not being insensitive, Lois. I just don't see why we have to cancel our vacation, just because the dog's a coke-fiend
Peter [about Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase]: Oh my god, I'm eating dinner with two of the three ghost busters
Chevy Chase: Actually, I wasn't in that
Peter: Look at these guys, can't take a compliment
I'd sure love it if you guys come to dinner at my house tonight. My wife's cooking sucks, but I'd sure love to look at you.
Jesus: I am a Jew
Peter: Prove it. What's a 9% tip on a $200 dinner?
Jesus: It's $18, which is very fair
This family believes in the Easter bunny. He died for our sins in that helicopter crash
Meg: Mom, is sodomy illegal if you're Jewish?
Lois: I hope so Meg, I really do
Peter: It's not, Lois.... it's not
Lois: Peter, stop that! We're not having sex, I just told you I have a lump!
Peter: I have a lump too and mine's easier to get rid of
Chris: Hey dad, where you going with that cutout?
Peter: Oh hey kids, this is Kathy, we're designing lifestyle products together. It's completely legitimate, but don't tell your mother!
Cleveland: I can't believe how terrible the fishing was.
Peter: Yeah, all we caught was a tire, a boot, a tin can, and this book of clichés
Lois: Peter, its seven in the morning!
Brian: Thanks for the update Big Ben.
[Brian and Peter Laugh]
Lois: You're drunk again!
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted from bein' up all night drinkin'.
Lois: Listen, Peter, if you keep this up something terrible's gonna happen.
Peter: Somethin' terrible... all the way to the bank!
Brian: Nice
Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: Now that's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
It's like I died and went to heaven, but then it turned out it wasn't my time, and they sent me to a brewery
