Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPeter Griffin Quotes
Lois: It's time to call this whole thing off. Nobody's on our side.
Peter: Are you nuts? Look at all these telegrams. "Nice going, Libya." "You da man, North Korea." "Great job, Iraq." Iraq, Lois! You know what? I'm gonna invite a few of these fellas over for a party
Peter: Good morning, Joe.
Joe: Uh, Peter, what are you doing in my pool?
Peter: This is the newest province of Petoria. I call it "Johio."
Joe: What? You can't just come over here and annex my pool.
Peter: Yeah? Well, according to paragraph seven, sentence three, word eight of the Geneva Convention, "The." So tough luck, Swanson
Peter: First, I will return Joe's pool.
Joe: Oh, you got that right.
Peter: In exchange, I demand access to it on alternate weekends.
Joe: No.
Peter: Accepted. I also demand to remain my own independent nation.
Adam West: Absolutely not.
Peter: How about you just give me your pen?
Adam West: You mean this cheap little pen we have millions of back at the office?
Peter: Yeah.
Adam West: No
Miss Stratford: Well, Mr. Griffin, you don't owe any money. Unfortunately, you are not entitled to a refund. (Peter screams) Mr. Griffin are you okay?
Peter: Sorry, I still haven't gotten over the loss of Party of Five. It'll take some time to get over it. Now what were you saying?
Miss Stratford: You're not entitled to refund. (Peter screams.)
Peter: I'm sorry. Come again?
Miss Stratford: You're not entitled to a refund. (Peter screams.) Was that for Party of Five, too?
Peter: No. That was for my refund. What the hell's Party of Five?
Peter [reading his tax refund]: Oh my god, it's better than I thought. An Audi! I'm gettin' a car!
Brian: Uh, Peter, there's a "t" in there. That says "audit".
Peter: No, Brian, it's a foreign car... the "t" is silent. Sweet, I'm gettin' an Audi!
Chris [lifts up his shirt]: I have an innie
Lois: I hate what you become! Why don't you go back to that doctor and tell him to suck the fat out of your head?
Peter: Maybe I will, and then I'll put it on my feet and skate on Paul Bunyan's skillet to cook his flapjacks.
Lois: That doesn't make any sense!
Peter: It doesn't have to, Lois, I'm beautiful
Lois: Did you paste your picture over our wedding portrait?
Peter: Yeah, I think it looks better.
Lois: You pasted it over mine.
Peter: Yeah, I think it looks better
Cleveland: If you're this desperate about Chris's weight, why don't you just suck the fat out?
Peter: Look, if you can find a hole on the boy that you want to put your lips on, be my guest
Guard: Excuse me sir, you can't park your van on the diving board.
Peter: That's not a van! That's my son
Peter [after surgery]: Knock knock!
Brian: Hey, pal, you can't just walk in here without - holy crap, it's Peter.
Chris: Dad, you're pretty, like a girl
Lois: Peter, did you get a new buttocks?
Peter: I had to. My old one had a crack in it.
Oh no Lois. A guy at work bought a car out of the paper once. Ten years later, BAM. Herpes
