South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralStan Marsh Quotes
Randy Marsh: Hey, if you watch another guy masturbate, does that make you gay?
Jimbo: What!?
Randy: Well, I just, I have this buddy, uh, he sat and watched this other guy play with himself.
Guest: Well, let's go kick his ass.
Stan: Think you can hit the target, Pip?
Pip: Of course. I'll have you know I was Archery Esquire at Straffordshire.
Stan: Be sure to hit something nice and solid now.
(Pip hits the back of Barbrady's head.)
Stan: But you know, I learned something today. I used to call you guys 'Melvins,' but you're just kids, like me. We separate you in school because you talk different, or you study too hard, but we've proven tonight that we can all get along.
Butters: So you mean we can stay friends, Stan? Wouldn't that be swell, huh?
Kyle: (Walks up) Dude, I'm glad to see you. You would not believe the night I had.
Stan: You? You think you had a bad night; I had to hang out all night with these freaking Melvins!
Stan: Dad, they tried to shoot at us!
Randy: Not now, Stan.
Stan: There are no more missions. I have everything I want.
Butters: But we're angels? What are angels supposed to do without missions?
Stan: Just play something else!
Pip: Oh dear! We've angered Bosley!
Stan: (whining) I don't want to go to this stupid party!
Randy: Come on, Stan, you're gonna have a great time.
Stan: No, you guys are going to have a great time. Whenever there's a party, the adults get to hang out and have fun while the kids spend the night locked in the basement, eating stale pretzels.
Pip: Which ladies' garments would you like, Stan?
Stan: Dude. I'm not wearing ladies clothes and I'm not playing Charlie's Angels. You guys are Melvins and I'm not one of you. So you go ahead and be Melvins and leave me alone!
Pip: Well. Alrighty, then.
Butters: Hey what are we gonna do huh? They shot at us, they really shot at us. They ain't gonna stop until were all dead I betcha, us and all our families. (Stan slaps Butters)
Stan: Get a hold of yourself man!
Butters: How can you slap my face Stan, huh? Why on earth would you go do that anyway?
Skeeter: We don't take kindly to your types around here.
Cartman: Did you guys see a big panda bear in here or not?
Skeeter: We don't take kindly to panda bears!
Stan: Well, we don't take kindly to you!
Man at bar: We don't take kindly to folks that don't take kindly around here.
Sexual Harassment Panda: "Article 36, Section 19: One panda may not make sexual comments about another panda's appearance. If said panda does make"
Stan: Ugh, dude, get me out of here!
Cartman: I think Sexual Harassment Panda is cool.
Stan: You would think that, you little a*s-sucker.
Cartman: What did you call me?
Stan: An a*s-sucker. It means you suck a*s. You see an a*s, you suck it. You're an a*s-sucker.
Cartman: That does it! I am suing you for sexual harassment!
Sexual Harassment Panda: Uh-oh.
Stan: What?
Cartman: You have sexually harassed me for the last time! It says right here that now I can sue you and take all of your money.
Sexual Harassment Panda: That's right, he can.
Stan: No you can't, you little a*s-sucker!
Cartman: Oh, you did it again! You all heard him!
Sexual Harassment Panda: "The first party of the first panda may sue the second-party panda unless that panda was said panda aforementioned panda."
MORAL#1:
Woman: Richard, you have to go on. I want you to be happy.
Adler: But I never got to say goodbye to you.
Woman: Then say it now, Richard.
Richard: Goodbye...
Woman: There. Now are you happy?
Adler: No
Woman: Of course you aren't. Saying goodbye doesnt mean anything. It's the times that we lived in that matters, not how we left it.
Adler: You're right... You're right!
Grandma: Richard! It's me! Grandma!
Adler: Grandma?! Hi, Gram
Corey: Hey, Richard! Remember me?!
Adler: Uncle Corey! Wow, you're all alive again!
Corey: No, we're dead!
MORAL#2:
Stan: Hey, guys. How are ya feeling?
Tweek: Ahh!
Craig: Uhh.
Stan: Yeah, well, we have something to say.
Kyle: We wanted to see who was the toughest. WE made you fight each other. WE made up all that stuff we said.
*Craig flips off boys*
Cartman: Yes, you can flip us off Craig, we deserve that. We just came by to apologize, we feel so bad.
Kyle: Whoa did you hear that, Tweek?
Tweek: (Exhausted) What?
Kyle: Craig just called you a boner.
Tweek: Agh! You son of a bitch!
(Fights Craig again)
Kyle: We just have to keep pouring gas into the fire.
Stan: Yeah!
