Ted Crisp Quotes
Ted: Fine, from now on, no more flirting. We keep it professional.
Linda: Fine with me... boss.
Ted: Good. Starting now, you're just another butt-less coworker.
Linda: Good. Then the door has nothing to hit on my way out
Linda: But, fine, what did you want to talk about?
Ted: Well, your work habits and how bad they are and how much that bugs me.
Linda: Okay, this can wait. Go ahead.
Ted: Well, to begin with, your work habits are bad, uh, and in conclusion, that bugs me.
Linda: Are you staring at my butt?
Ted: Hmm? No, your butt is in my staring place. So technically, it's staring at me.
Linda: Sorry. It's from a small town. It's never seen a big businessman like you before.
Ted: Well tell it to act more professional. It's making a spectacle of itself
Ted: Well, I'd love to help you, Linda, but I don't have a lot of space in here.
Linda: In here. In here... in here.
Ted: And there's that terrible echo
Yes, a biocomputer. It's half machine, half living organism. If you think that sounds creepy, you should see it at feeding time.
Phil: At full power, the sound wave is so intense it can cause vomiting.
Ted: A machine that causes vomiting. Well, that could have all kinds of applications for the military... and fashion modeling
You might say Veridian Dynamics is like a finely tuned watch. That's Dale. He even has a big hand and a little hand
Linda: There's a single dads club that meets on the fifth floor every week. Maybe you should check it out.
Ted: Eh, I guess I could go beat up some single dads
Ted: I'm a little preoccupied. I almost killed a man in the basement.
Linda: Huh. Last week a story like that would've surprised me. So who'd you almost kill? Was it Joe? I hate that guy. He took half my cubicle
Lem: Bosses and employees just shouldn't hang out. It's like a ventriloquist trying to be friends with his dummy. At the end of the day, you know who's sleeping in a suitcase.
Phil: The dummy.
Ted: All right, I was the one who pushed for us to hang out, so I should endure this. I mean suffer through... I mean support you. Because that's what friends do
The implications for weight loss are enormous. And while elective brain surgery doesn't test that great, it still tests better than dieting and exercise
Veronica: And the next time some survey asks how happy you are, you check "very," or I'll give you something to be happy about.
Ted: I'm not sure that makes any...
Veronica: The hair is up. That's all they hear
