The Todd Quotes
J.D.'s Narration: Let's face it: What a doctor says and what they mean are often two different things.
Elliot: I know Dr. Robbins treated your husband in the E.R., but we're gonna approach this case a bit differently.
Subtitle: Robbins is an idiot.
Mrs. Chang: And it's very comforting to have the chief of medicine here.
Dr. Kelso: I took a special interest in this case.
Subtitle: I was thinking about food, and accidentally wandered over here.
Mrs. Chang: Oh, thank you!
Todd: Hey, Elliot. Your boobies look hot today.
Subtitle: Hey Elliot, your boobies look hot today.
Laverne: You have ONE DAY to get us another gorgeous irishman.
Todd: ONE DAY. (weird looks from JD and Turk) What? The Todd appreciates hot, regardless of gender.
Elliot: Besides, I don't need to go to a waving seminar to know that this wave is internationally known as "I am a married woman whose self esteem has plummeted because nobody looks at me anymore, and so I'm acting like a desperate hussy."
Carla: Oh, snap! Did you just call me a hussy!?
Elliot: Desperate hussy!
They grip each other's hair and start screaming.
Todd: Oh, whoa, whoa! Ladies, stop!
He takes a front-row seat.
Todd: Continue.
Elliot: Maybe Mrs. Kasuba has a perinephric abscess?
J.D.: No, her pain is central, not near the back. Come on, Bangs! You know what helps me when I'm diagnosing? Mentally picturing everything. Like those sugar packets there. How do you think they got there?
Elliot: Somebody probably knocked them over.
J.D.: I don't think so. You see, the packets are neatly stacked. Plus that coffee cup has the lipstick of a certain very hot Nurse Tisdale.
Fantasy: Todd comes in behind Nurse Tisdale as she makes coffee
Todd: If you're looking for sugar, there's some on the floor.
Nurse Tisdale notices the pile and bends over to retrieve it, giving the Todd a great view of her rear.
Todd: Thonnnnnnng!
End Fantasy
J.D.: It's the classic Todd Thong Sugar Trap.
Carla: Why is my stapler on the floor?
She bends over to retrieve it, Todd stepping from around the corner for a look.
Todd: Thonnnnnnnng!
Carla whips around and slaps him.
Todd: Face-five! Oh, yeah!
Turk: Oh, you taught Todd the slap thing?
Carla: Nope.
Dr. Wen: Dammit, we lost him. Call it.
Todd: I'm not giving up on this guy! Prop his hand up.
Nurse: What?
Todd: I said prop his hand up!
The patient's hand is lifted, and Todd spits on his own palm and gives a high-five. The heart monitor jolts into a rhythm.
End Flashback
Todd: That's right: The Miracle Five.
Dr. Kelso: You take this one, Perry.
Dr. Cox: Great moment, there, dumb-ass. It starts out with a profound misunderstanding of how the human body works, and winds up with you shattering some old man's hand.
Todd: Oh, yeah.
Elliot: Okay, who wants to be me? Craig, you're probably still mad at me. Anyone else?
Todd: Dr. Reid. At your service.
Elliot: Okay, that's a no for Todd.
Molly: I tell you what: I'll go with you for moral support. And, you know, if things get dicey 'cause it's just a bunch of stuffed shirts, then we could make out - and they'll give you whatever you want.
(The Todd runs in)
Todd: What? I thought I heard something.
Elliot: Goodbye, Todd.
Todd: Back to the transplant.
Elliot: Oh, I don't know, if you were a real friend you could have lied, kept your mouth shut, made out with me - any of the stuff that we talked about!
(The Todd runs out of the shower)
Todd: Did I just hear...?
Elliot and Molly: (together) Todd!
J.D.: Do you know that Dr. Cox is trying to convince me that everyone eventually kills a patient? But I haven't! I know you haven't!
Turk: Hell yeah, I have. Remember my first year? Mr. Quinn? I forgot to write the order for his albumin drip and he...hemorrhaged and died. You want your doughnut?
J.D.'s Narration: And it turned out Turk wasn't the only one.
Elliot: Mmm, Mrs. Kahn, my second year.
Doug: Uh, Mrs. Studebaker, forty minutes into my first day.
Dr. Kelso: I've been a doctor for thirty years. What do you think?
Doug: On my third day, there was Mr. Kirshnar.
Todd: Jenny Roth, about eight weeks ago. It was really tough, because she was hot.
Doug: And then later that third day...
Todd: (Gasping) I'm gay!
Todd collapses.
Nurse: I knew it!
Todd: Besides, the only reason I'm getting all these great procedures is because nobody's died on me in like three months!
Turk: Listen, man, you never have to apologize for being on a hot-streak. I'm psyched for you! And I wouldn't take those procedures away even if I could. Sir, would you mind giving me the duodenojejunostomy instead of the Todd?
Dr. Lemmon: Am I impressed by your moxie? You bet'cha. Am I going to reward it? Not a chance.
