You don't have to quit the force. I mean, you could get a desk job. Eh? You could be a desk

Peter

• Permalink: You don't have to quit the force. I mean, you could get a desk j...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Carter Pewterschmidt walks in his living room to find Peter naked, kissing Lois)Carter Pewterschmidt: Why are you naked in my house?!Peter: (turning around to Mr. Pewterschmidt) Uh....(pauses)...why aren't you?Carter Pewterschmidt: (long pause) ..You're alright Griffin.

• Permalink: ..You're alright Griffin.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: I think I saw of her nipples.
Lois: Chris that's a terrible word. Nipple. I'll chalk that up to the heat mister

• Permalink: I think I saw of her nipples. Chris that's a terrible word. Ni...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Randy Fulcher used to pants me every chance he got.
(Flashback)
Young Peter: My book report is on The Giving Tree (A kid pulls down Peter's pants)
Randy: Hah! Hah! Nerd!
(Class laughs at Peter)
Young Peter: (whining) Randy!
(Cut to hallway. Randy pulls Peter's pants down)
Randy: Hah! Hah! Nerd!
Kids: (Come out of no where and start laughing)
Young Peter: (whining) Randy!
(Cut to urinal. Peter's at the urinal. Randy pulls Peter's pants up)
Randy: Nerd!
Peter: (whining) Randy!

• Permalink: Randy Fulcher used to pants me every chance he got. My book ...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: Ewww, What's that smell?
Brian: It's either bad meat or good cheese...

• Permalink: Ewww, What's that smell? It's either bad meat or good cheese.....
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Cleveland, who would you rather do: Queen Latifah or Halle Berry,
but she's been dead for six hours?
Cleveland: Aw, man. That's a tough one.

• Permalink: Queen Latifah or Halle Berry, but she's been dead for six hour...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jake [pointing to fat Peter]: What's that, daddy?
Tom Tucker: Why that's Mercury, Jake, the planet closest to the sun. Though what it's doing down here by the waterfront, I haven't the foggiest. We should probably ask a scientist...
Peter: I'm a guy, you jackass

• Permalink: What's that, daddy? Why that's Mercury, Jake, the planet close...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says, "Oooooo!"
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios

• Permalink: Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says, Oooooo! Pet...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Young Michael Jackson: The kid in me likes the frosted side.
Adult Michael Jackson: But the grown-up in me likes the kid in me.

• Permalink: The kid in me likes the frosted side. But the grown-up in me l...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Adam West: Damn I lost him. Alright cats, back in the bag.
(Adam West starts putting the cats back in the bag)
Adam West: Come one Fluffy, come on Mittens, come on Paul... (Laughing) .. What a ridiculous name for a cat, Paul..that's a person's name..a person's name (Continues laughing) ...Paul

• Permalink: Damn I lost him. Alright cats, back in the bag. Come one Flu...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Meg: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well, that would just leave England

• Permalink: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me. Well, t...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

You know, mother, as first lady of the American stage Helen Hayes once said, "I'm going to kill you"

Stewie

• Permalink: You know, mother, as first lady of the American stage Helen Haye...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0