Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFavorite Family Guy Quotes
Jake [pointing to fat Peter]: What's that, daddy?
Tom Tucker: Why that's Mercury, Jake, the planet closest to the sun. Though what it's doing down here by the waterfront, I haven't the foggiest. We should probably ask a scientist...
Peter: I'm a guy, you jackass
(After Stewie dances, he and Brian are allowed to use a helicopter, which they fly over the mountains)
Stewie:(Over the helicopter's propellers) Brian, be careful cause the mountains are the same color as the sky!
Brian: What?
Stewie: I said be careful cause the mountains are the same color as the- WHOA!!!
Brian: What the hell was that?
Stewie: I'm practicing my comedy crash.
Brian: Well keep it down because I'm trying to-
(The helicopter is about to hit a mountain)
Brian & Stewie: WHOA!!!
(They swerve away from the mountain but the tail of their helicopter hits a cliff, causing them to hit a slope and slide down the mountain, they crash into a rock, sail out of the cockpit and hit the snowbank)
Stewie: Imagine the dance I'm gonna have to do to get our security deposit back.
You know, mother, as first lady of the American stage Helen Hayes once said, "I'm going to kill you"
Stewie
Adam West: Damn I lost him. Alright cats, back in the bag.
(Adam West starts putting the cats back in the bag)
Adam West: Come one Fluffy, come on Mittens, come on Paul... (Laughing) .. What a ridiculous name for a cat, Paul..that's a person's name..a person's name (Continues laughing) ...Paul
Young Michael Jackson: The kid in me likes the frosted side.
Adult Michael Jackson: But the grown-up in me likes the kid in me.
Peter: Cleveland, who would you rather do: Queen Latifah or Halle Berry,
but she's been dead for six hours?
Cleveland: Aw, man. That's a tough one.
Meg: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well, that would just leave England
Lois: Ewww, What's that smell?
Brian: It's either bad meat or good cheese...
Brian [at mom's funeral]: Say something.
Stewie: What?
Brian: Just say something please.
Stewie: For god's sake. Um... "Yea, and God said on to Abraham, 'You will kill your son Isaac'. And Abraham said, 'I can't hear you, You'll have to speak into the microphone.' And God said, 'Oh, I'm sorry. Is this better? Check, Check, Check. Jerry pull the high end out I'm, getting some hiss back here.'"
Brian: Say something about my mother!
Stewie: Oh yes, I'm sorry. I never knew Biscuit as a Dog, but I did know her as a table. She was sturdy, all four legs the same length...
Brian: Thanks. That's enough.
Stewie: Yes. Requiem in Terra Pax, and so forth. Amen
You know mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Your life, however, is more like a box of active grenades!
Stewie
Peter: Randy Fulcher used to pants me every chance he got.
(Flashback)
Young Peter: My book report is on The Giving Tree (A kid pulls down Peter's pants)
Randy: Hah! Hah! Nerd!
(Class laughs at Peter)
Young Peter: (whining) Randy!
(Cut to hallway. Randy pulls Peter's pants down)
Randy: Hah! Hah! Nerd!
Kids: (Come out of no where and start laughing)
Young Peter: (whining) Randy!
(Cut to urinal. Peter's at the urinal. Randy pulls Peter's pants up)
Randy: Nerd!
Peter: (whining) Randy!
You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body!
Cleveland (R2-D2)
