New Girl
Tuesdays 8:30 PM on FOXFavorite New Girl Quotes
I'm the only guy in the office, of course I'm going to dress up like Santa. I like it. I get all this dirt on my coworkers. They get drunk, and they whisper what they want for Christmas in my ear, and I use that information to subtly undermine them and control them for the rest of the year.
Schmidt
Jess: You care about burritos more than my children?
Nick: You're putting me in a tough spot right now!
I saw Nick's pipi. And his bubbles
Jess
Nick, I need you.
Jess
I know what my pogo is. It's that I dance like a sea snake.
Schmidt
Holly, he's really happy! He's got a 401K and a six-pack!
Nick
I'm gonna have to run all the way home, and I have my slipperiest loafers on!
Schmidt
We can form an Ocean's Twelve. I will be Brad Pitt. You will be the crafty Asian who does the flippies.
Schmidt
Nick: We're just gonna watch football, drink beer, and then we're going to Best Buy later for Black Friday.
Winston: Or as I like to call it, Friday.
Jess: I had the best sex of my life last night.
Nick: Oh so that was you? I thought it was a couple bums fighting.
Jess: It wasn't. It was me. Having sex. I left my body, went up to heaven, saw my grandparents, thought it was weird that I saw my grandparents, came back down. I became a werewolf, I scared some teenagers. I came back into my body. Only thing is, he thinks my name is Katie and that I'm a dancer and/or something involving puppets.
Cece: You look like a character from The Love Guru.
Schmidt: Aw, thank you.
I'm going on a date with Elizabeth tonight. I haven't had sex with her since I was fat and accessing my penis was like getting a remote control out of the couch.
Schmidt
