Nick: I'm trying my hardest to look poor.
Winston: You are poor.

It's good for you! It's corn!

Bob

I may or may not have done an extensive amount of research on wedding dresses.

Winston

They're reaching into your skin wallet. Your scrotum.

Schmidt

You have no standing to veto, it's my sperm.

Nick

You're my best friend in the whole world. We've been through a lot together so I just do feel like your sperm are partly my sperm.

Schmidt

I may have your entire life planned out on my computer. I made a spreadsheet and everything. I worked on it this morning.

Schmidt

If I can't have a kid with a woman, then maybe I'll have one with my cousin.

Nick

This woman is engaged. Her number belongs to God now, thank you.

Schmidt

Ever since we got engaged you've been acting insanely jealous.

Cece

I want magic, is that so bad?

Nick

That's more like dork magic.

Nick

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach