Meemaw: No wine for me. Sheldon's bringing me my whiskey.
Sheldon: There you go, Meemaw. I made it just how you like it. A lot, in a glass.

There's Amy! I just know you're going to hit it off. You both have the same fashion sense.

Sheldon

Oh, now you call her Constance. I call her Meemaw. You have your own Meemaw. It's not my fault she died when you were four.

Sheldon

Penny: You know, the last time I got a handwritten letter was from someone who told me I parked like a blind person.
Leonard: That someone has a name.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Sheldon: Sounds like it's time for the Sheldon Cooper apology tour!
Leonard: Oh, I hope it's as much fun as the Sheldon Cooper spell checks local menus tour.

Good, now try it as if this wasn't your first day as a person.

Amy

Why don't you tell me what happened, and in a gentle and loving way, I'll explain to you why you're wrong.

Amy

I hope laughter is the best medicine because this care package is a joke.

Sheldon

Why isn't everyone happy? Your little ray of sunshine is ready to beam again!

Sheldon

Amy: I wish you were here.
Sheldon: At a microbiology conference? What a mean thing to say!
Amy: Okay, I'm glad you're not here?
Sheldon: Aww, you always know just what to say, after I tell you what to say.

Koothrappali: I should warn you: it's just looking at data for hours and hours on a computer screen.
Sheldon: Stop selling it, kid. You won.

Leonard: I'm not going to make a fake appointment with a psychiatrist. What would I say is wrong with me?
Koothrappali: Low self esteem.
Howard: Social anxiety.
Sheldon: Sexual insecurity.
Leonard: None of that is true.
Penny: Denial. See sweetie, the list goes on and on.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.