The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite The Simpsons Quotes
Lisa: It's not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act; that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal is to look pretty, land a rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talking about how damn terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!
Bart: Just what I was going to say.
This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a...car of some sort, heading in the direction of...you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.
Chief Wiggum
Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...
Now ladies and gentlemen, if you look just over left-field wall, the real show is about to begin, the sunrise! Brought to you by God. The invisible giant you turn to when you're about to die.
Announcer
Homer: Oh, you beautiful man!
Flanders: That feeling is mutual of Omaha.
Homer: God, you're hilarious!
Dolph: I'm going to kiss the ground.
Kearney: Loser, you're gay for the ground.
Dolph: Well, you're gay for homophobia.
Kearney: Wow, you just made me gay for tolerance.
Homer: Don't you know the story of Hercules and the lion?
Bart: Is it a Bible story?
Homer: Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time, there was a big mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the village people tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough! So they got Hercules, and Hercules used his mighty strength, and...bingo! Anyway, the moral is, the lion was so happy, he gave Hercules this big...thing...of riches.
Bart: How did a lion get rich?
Homer: It was the olden days!
I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.
Homer
Bart: Rod, Todd, this is God!
Rod: How did you get on the radio?
Bart: What do you mean "how did I get on the radio?" I created the universe, stupid kid.
Todd: Forgive my brother, we believe you!
Bart: Walk through the wall; I will remove it for you! (bumps) laterha, ha, ha!
Trust me Bart, it's better to walk in on both your parents than on just one of them.
Milhouse
Mrs. Krabappel: Bart Simpson, you've had three months to do this project, you started 30 seconds ago.
Bart: Thank you, thank you.
Mrs. Krabappel: I'm not complimenting you. You've destroyed every ideal i've had about teaching since I saw To Sir With Love as a little girl.
Nelson: Haha, you're old.
Mrs. Krabappel: I saw it on video in the eighties.
Nelson: Outdated media, I stand by my "haha."
Moe: They're headed for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not!
Moe: Well then, let's go to the old mill anyway to get some cider!
