The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 5 Quotes
Homer: Look, I'm supposed to get a physics tutor.
Nerd 1: Well, you've come to the right place then. If there's one thing we know, it is science.
Nerd 2: And math.
Nerd 3: And the words to every Monty Python routine.
Nerds: (in unison) We are the Knights Who Say Ni! Ni!
(laughter)
Homer: Heh heh Ni.
College?! Barber or clown?
Bart
Smithers, dismember the corpse and send his widow a corsage.
Mr. Burns
Oh, you'll pay! Don't think you won't pay!
Richard Nixon
Dad, start digging some nerd holes!
Bart
Lisa: List your three favorite books and how they have influenced your life.
Homer: Is "TV Guide" a book?
Lisa: No.
Homer: "Son of Sniglet?"
Lisa: No.
Homer: Katherine Hepburn's "Me?"
Lisa: No!
Homer: Oh, I suck!
Finally, the great taste of Worcester sauce in a soft drink. Ahh, steaky.
Commercial
Boy, I can't wait to take some of the starch out of that stuffed shirt!
Homer
Wait a minute, I'll put on my snow pants.
Nerd
Oh, I'm going to lose my job just because I'm dangerously unqualified.
Homer
Man: Umm, excuse me. What are you doing?
Mr. Burns: I'm giving you the beating of your life!
(An Itchy and Scratchy toon starts: "BURNING DOWN THE MOUSE!")
Lisa: GASP! I've heard of this one. It's the one where Scratchy finally gets Itchy!
Bart: WOW!
(In it, Scratchy has Itchy tied on a stake. Scratchy puts dynamite in Itchy's eyelids and ears, makes a beard and stovepipe hat out of plastic explosive material, and hangs grenades on Itchy's ears. Then he aims two atomic missiles at Itchy's eyes, lights the fuses, and hails a cab and escapes. Itchy struggles to get out.)
Bart: (as he and Lisa hold hands) My purpose in life is to witness this moment.
(The fuse is about to go out, but the picture goes blank, as Bart and Lisa scream.)
Gary: We need the outlet for our rock tumbler.
Kids: PLUG IT IN! PLUG IT IN!
Gary: What, the rock tumbler or the TV?
Kids: THE TV! THE TV!
(Gary does so, but there's a a still image of a mushroom cloud with "THE END" in red jumbled letters as the end theme plays.)
Krusty: Wow! They'll never let us show that again! Not in a million years!
