The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 5 Quotes
Aw, you guys are pathetic. No wonder Smithers made me head bee-guy.
Homer
Mr. Burns: Hello, Simpson. My lawyers and I were in the neighborhood and thought we'd stop by.
Marge: Would you like to come in for tea and marshmallow squares?
(The lawyers confer with each other)
Lawyer: Yes, he would.
(writing) It was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever.
Homer
Homer: (reading his college rejection letters) D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Woohoo! A flyer for a hardware store! D'oh!
Bart: Well, Pop, what are you going to do?
Homer: Something I should have done a long time ago.
(long pause)
Marge: You don't know, do you?
Homer: No, ma'am.
Homer: Marge, try to understand. There are two kinds of college students: jocks and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.
Homer: But Marge, we're college guys and we're up to no good!
Benjamin: Mr. Simpson, Gary spilled his ear medicine.
Gary: Oh, don't worry, Mr. Simpson, we can take care of ourselves.
Snake: Uh, wallet inspector!
Benjamin: Oh, here you go. I believe that's all in order.
Snake: Wow, I can't believe that worked! (runs away)
Homer: Hey wait a minute that's not the wallet inspector!
I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.
Homer
Benjamin: Come on, Mr. Simpson, you'll never pass this course without learning the periodic table.
Homer: I'll write it on my hand.
Benjamin: Hoh! Including all known lanthanides & actinides? Good luck!
Lisa: Nerds are nothing to fear, Dad. In fact, some nerds of note include popcorn magnate Orville Redenbacher, rock star David Byrne, and Supreme Court Justice David Souter.
Homer: Oh no! Not Souter! (buries face in hands) Oh nooo!
Use a pen, Sideshow Bob!
Snake
Lisa: Bart, I figured it out! Who's someone you've been making irritating phone calls to for years?
Bart: Linda Lavin?
Lisa: No, someone who didn't deserve it.
