Quotables for Week Ending January 20, 2017

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1. The Vampire Diaries

Stefan returns to mystic falls the vampire diaries season 8 epis

Dorian: How dumb do you think I am?
Seline: On a scale from Matt to Alaric, you're right in the middle.

Dorian: How dumb do you think I am? Seline: On a scale from Matt to Alaric, you're right in the middle.

2. The Young Pope

Lenny the young pope season 1 episode 1

Lenny: I will never get over my aversion to tourists.
Gutierrez: Why is that Holy Father?
Lenny: Because they are just passing through.

Lenny: I will never get over my aversion to tourists. Gutierrez: Why is that Holy Father? Lenny: Because they are just passing through.

3. The Blacklist

Liz takes the stage the blacklist season 4 episode 11

I'd stand, but after all these years, I still get aroused when I close a deal.

Red
I'd stand, but after all these years, I still get aroused when I close a deal.

4. Gotham

Hanging around gotham season 3 episode 12

Doesn't anyone die in Gotham anymore?

Bullock
Doesn't anyone die in Gotham anymore?

5. The Affair

The unthinkable the affair

Grieving Girl: What'd you do?
Alison: I had an affair. I wouldn't recommend it. It didn't turn out well.

Grieving Girl: What'd you do? Alison: I had an affair. I wouldn't recommend it. It didn't turn out well.

6. NCIS: Los Angeles

The mole strikes again ncis los angeles

A friend and an early mentor always used to say, 'A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.'

Hetty
A friend and an early mentor always used to say, 'A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot...

7. The Librarians

A ruthless collector the librarians

Do you guys always do a recap before you go on a job? No wonder your missions take so long.

Charlene
Do you guys always do a recap before you go on a job? No wonder your missions take so long.

8. Sherlock

Its not a game anymore sherlock season 4 episode 3

Mycroft: Doctor Watson, why would he do that to me, that was insane!
John: Yes, well, someone convinced him that you wouldn't actually tell the truth unless you were actually wetting yourself.
Mycroft: Someone?
John: Probably me.

Mycroft: Doctor Watson, why would he do that to me, that was insane! John: Yes, well, someone convinced him that you wouldn't actually...

9. Madam Secretary

Daisy is unnerved

Elizabeth: Not only did Minister Chen undercut our deal at the last minute, he chose to do so in a very public and embarrassing way.
Blake: So he...he trolled us?
Susan: Arguably tried to bigfoot us.
Elizabeth: I believe the correct diplomatic term he "pantsed" us.

Elizabeth: Not only did Minister Chen undercut our deal at the last minute, he chose to do so in a very public and embarrassing way....

10. Emerald City

The good witch emerald city season 1 episode 4

Tip: So you're saying my only choice as a girl is as a nun or whore?
West: Did I mention we sleep in?

Tip: So you're saying my only choice as a girl is as a nun or whore? West: Did I mention we sleep in?

11. Shadowhunters

Finding jace shadowhunters

Maia: Well, you look like you could use a drink...and a towel.
Jace: Just...umm...just your phone?
Maia: I would ask what happened to yours, but I guess it got wet.
Jace: It's a long story.
Maia: Well I'm stuck here all night and I hear Shadowhunters like to hear themselves talk. What? You didn't think I wouldn't recognize those runes on the back of your neck?

Maia: Well, you look like you could use a drink...and a towel. Jace: Just...umm...just your phone? Maia: I would ask what happened to...

12. Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events

Georgina and shirley are villains lemony snickets a series of un

Violet: Why do you hate us so much?
Olaf: Because it's fun.

Violet: Why do you hate us so much? Olaf: Because it's fun.

13. The Bachelor

Hometown visit the bachelor

I have tried so many times to make cheese pasta... but I can't make cheese pasta like her.

Corinne
I have tried so many times to make cheese pasta... but I can't make cheese pasta like her.

14. Scorpion

Grifting skills scorpion

Veronica: I mean yes I threw you in the deep end when you were a child, but you learned how to swim on your own.
Paige: You're turning abandonment into a recipe for successful parenting?
Veronica: You can't argue with success.

Veronica: I mean yes I threw you in the deep end when you were a child, but you learned how to swim on your own. Paige: You're turning...

15. Timeless

Flynn abducts lucy timeless

Rufus: Crackerjack. I used to love these as a kid.
George: As a kid? Those debuted at the Fair yesterday.

Rufus: Crackerjack. I used to love these as a kid. George: As a kid? Those debuted at the Fair yesterday.

16. Lucifer

Happy days lucifer season 2 episode 11

Lucifer: Are you jealous detective?
Chloe: No. I'm just trying to piece together a timeline. A lot can happen in five minutes.
Lucifer: You can't be suggesting...
Chloe: ...that you slept with her? I'm not.
Lucifer: But that I'm a two-pump chump? If we slept together, she wouldn't have left until the morning. Believe me.

Lucifer: Are you jealous detective? Chloe: No. I'm just trying to piece together a timeline. A lot can happen in five minutes. Lucifer:...

17. Bones

The acid dump bones

Aubrey: This is a black kale, chia smoothie.
Booth: Why are you drinking that? Did you lose a bet or something?
Brennan: Do you have an infected lesion?

Aubrey: This is a black kale, chia smoothie. Booth: Why are you drinking that? Did you lose a bet or something? Brennan: Do you have an...

18. Homeland

Homeland cast pic

Saul: She'll learn to love us.
Dar: I'm not sure where all this rosy optimism is coming from, but I don't like it.

Saul: She'll learn to love us. Dar: I'm not sure where all this rosy optimism is coming from, but I don't like it.

19. Taboo

Assembing his league taboo

Atticus: What's the smallest thing you've ever seen?
Delaney: Human kindness.

Atticus: What's the smallest thing you've ever seen? Delaney: Human kindness.

20. Being Mary Jane

Shock and awe being mary jane

Kara: Let me guess. The Comedian.
Mary Jane: That boy is no joke. He kept me up all night.

Kara: Let me guess. The Comedian. Mary Jane: That boy is no joke. He kept me up all night.

21. Teen Wolf

Finding stiles teen wolf

Lydia: You're going to bite Stiles.
Scott: To get him through the rift, it's the only way.
Peter: Just to clarify, are you going to bite everyone in the train station.
Scott: With Stiles back, he'll be able to help us figure out a plan.
Malia: He's good at that.
Peter: So the plan is to get Stiles to come up with a plan.
Malia: You can shut up now.

Lydia: You're going to bite Stiles. Scott: To get him through the rift, it's the only way. Peter: Just to clarify, are you going to bite...

22. Agents of SHIELD

Coulson and mack agents of shield

If he gets any further up Talbot's ass, he'll need a snorkel.

Mack
If he gets any further up Talbot's ass, he'll need a snorkel.

23. This Is Us

Due date this is us

I've been acting out lately. I've been terrible to your dad who is just perfect. He is just perfect. Oh my God, you guys are going to freak out when you see how awesome your dad is. Seriously, you are gonna be huge fans.

Rebecca
I've been acting out lately. I've been terrible to your dad who is just perfect. He is just perfect. Oh my God, you guys are going to...

24. Shooter

Working together shooter

Memphis: How many men can Swagger take out?
Isaac: I don't know.
Memphis: Well how about an estimate?
Isaac: A shitload.

Memphis: How many men can Swagger take out? Isaac: I don't know. Memphis: Well how about an estimate? Isaac: A shitload.

25. Bull

Jason and chunk bull

When you have to remind people your relationship is legal and consensual, you have a problem.

Bull
When you have to remind people your relationship is legal and consensual, you have a problem.

26. NCIS: New Orleans

Trapping garcia ncis new orleans

Tease me about being a country mouse all you want, but it's about to pay off.

LaSalle [to Percy]
Tease me about being a country mouse all you want, but it's about to pay off.

27. NCIS

Jethro gibbs picture

Quinn: Do you believe in miracles?
Gibbs: No.
Quinn: Do you believe in Abby?
Gibbs: With all my heart!

Quinn: Do you believe in miracles? Gibbs: No. Quinn: Do you believe in Abby? Gibbs: With all my heart!

28. Salem

True intentions salem

Mary: You would damn generations to hell on earth because of your own bitter heart?!
Anne: You are absolutely right, I would. Happily. I would turn the earth into a bitter desert in the very image of my heart!

Mary: You would damn generations to hell on earth because of your own bitter heart?! Anne: You are absolutely right, I would. Happily. I...

29. Vikings

The sons of ragnar prepare for battle vikings season 4 episode 1

We are all equally Ragnar's sons, but we are not equal in battle. So I will take the lead. I will establish the battle plans, and I will give the orders. Do you understand that?

Bjorn
We are all equally Ragnar's sons, but we are not equal in battle. So I will take the lead. I will establish the battle plans, and I will...

30. Lethal Weapon

Ahem lethal weapon season 1 episode 12

Murtaugh: Hey, why don't you write something about a coroner with a big ass afro who keeps looking for love in all the dead places? [Riggs and Murtaugh laugh]
Scorsese: It's always the bald guys with the hair jokes. It's all you have left.
Murtaugh: Look, that's your future. [points at his bald head] Look into the crystal ball.

Murtaugh: Hey, why don't you write something about a coroner with a big ass afro who keeps looking for love in all the dead places?...

31. Star

Sparkle star

Don't get it twisted, sweetie. I am more of a man than you will ever be and more of a woman than you will ever get.

Miss Bruce
Don't get it twisted, sweetie. I am more of a man than you will ever be and more of a woman than you will ever get.

32. Law & Order: SVU

A powerful family law and order svu

Sara: Yeah, I definitely talked to him.
Benson: Okay well we spoke to him as well and he said that you two had consensual sex.
Sara: We did? Well, I don't remember that, or anything else for that matter. Okay, is that it?
Benson: No, there's one more thing. Sara, the lab results came back and it showed two separate semen samples.
Sara: Two samples. Are you saying two men raped me?

Sara: Yeah, I definitely talked to him. Benson: Okay well we spoke to him as well and he said that you two had consensual sex. Sara: We...

33. Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce

Abby vs the coach girlfriends guide to divorce

Mitchell: Where is the fun, the energy?! You've got a whole section here on the duality of the inner goddess.
Barbara: I thought it was interesting context.
Mitchell: SheShe doesn't do context. This read like a college thesis paper.
Barbara: OK. I'll take another pass. But just to be clear, you wanted my distinct voice. THIS is my voice.
Mitchell: Yeah, your voice is kind of a drag.

Mitchell: Where is the fun, the energy?! You've got a whole section here on the duality of the inner goddess. Barbara: I thought it was...

34. Chicago PD

Blocking the church chicago pd

Let's be brutally honest, the history of young black men with Chicago police,has not been glorious.

Father McSorley
Let's be brutally honest, the history of young black men with Chicago police,has not been glorious.

35. Blindspot

Roman and the biker gang blindspot

Weller: I built a nursery for my baby who's not going to be there. Sounds a little dumb but my whole apartment feels empty now.
Jane: That doesn't sound dumb.

Weller: I built a nursery for my baby who's not going to be there. Sounds a little dumb but my whole apartment feels empty now. Jane:...

36. SIX

A seal six

I'm just going to say this, okay? I'm getting out.

Buddha
I'm just going to say this, okay? I'm getting out.

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Tags:
TV Quotes, Multi-Show
Shows:
The Young Pope, Gotham, The Affair, NCIS: Los Angeles, The Librarians, Sherlock, Madam Secretary, Emerald City, Shadowhunters, Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, The Bachelor, Scorpion, Timeless, Lucifer, Bones, Homeland, Taboo, Being Mary Jane, Teen Wolf, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., This Is Us, Shooter, Bull, NCIS, NCIS: New Orleans, Salem, Vikings, Lethal Weapon, Star, Law & Order: SVU, Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce, Chicago PD, Blindspot, SIX, The Big Bang Theory, Colony, Chicago Med, Nashville, The Blacklist, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Hawaii Five-0, The Vampire Diaries, Blue Bloods, Grimm
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TV Quotes Slideshows, Multi-Show Slideshows, The Young Pope Slideshows, Gotham Slideshows, The Affair Slideshows, NCIS: Los Angeles Slideshows, The Librarians Slideshows, Sherlock Slideshows, Madam Secretary Slideshows, Emerald City Slideshows, Shadowhunters Slideshows, Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events Slideshows, The Bachelor Slideshows, Scorpion Slideshows, Timeless Slideshows, Lucifer Slideshows, Bones Slideshows, Homeland Slideshows, Taboo Slideshows, Being Mary Jane Slideshows, Teen Wolf Slideshows, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Slideshows, This Is Us Slideshows, Shooter Slideshows, Bull Slideshows, NCIS Slideshows, NCIS: New Orleans Slideshows, Salem Slideshows, Vikings Slideshows, Lethal Weapon Slideshows, Star Slideshows, Law & Order: SVU Slideshows, Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce Slideshows, Chicago PD Slideshows, Blindspot Slideshows, SIX Slideshows, TBBT Slideshows, Colony Slideshows, Chicago Med Slideshows, Nashville Slideshows, The Blacklist Slideshows, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Slideshows, Hawaii Five-0 Slideshows, Vampire Diaries Slideshows, Blue Bloods Slideshows, Grimm Slideshows
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