Quotables for Week Ending October 28, 2016

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All of the quotes you ever needed from the week ending October 28, 2016.

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1. The Vampire Diaries

Ian somerhalder as damon salvatore

Damon: So I'm thinking of a person. He's reasonably good looking, charming accent, and he would be the most amazing wingman if he just got rid of his martyr complex.
Enzo: That's not how you play 20 questions. Regardless, your answer is either Jesus Christ, or me.

Damon: So I'm thinking of a person. He's reasonably good looking, charming accent, and he would be the most amazing wingman if he just...

2. Timeless

Nazi germany timeless

Perhaps you can't tell by my accent, but I'm not German, you idiot.

Ian Fleming
Perhaps you can't tell by my accent, but I'm not German, you idiot.

3. Scorpion

The museum heist scorpion

Because I'm scared to death, not for me to be a father but for Happy to be a mother! Nurturing, kind, and patient are not the hallmarks of Miss Happy Quinn. I'm going to have to mama bear this cub, and it's not like I know what to do! Maybe I should wax my chest in case the milk comes.

Toby
Because I'm scared to death, not for me to be a father but for Happy to be a mother! Nurturing, kind, and patient are not the hallmarks...

4. Gotham

The boss gotham season 3 episode 6

Jim: I'm happy.
Vale: Of course you are. You get to drink scotch all day and have sex with me.

Jim: I'm happy. Vale: Of course you are. You get to drink scotch all day and have sex with me.

5. Shameless

The homeless shelter shameless

I am kept woman. You want good life, find someone to keep you.

Svetlana
I am kept woman. You want good life, find someone to keep you.

6. From Dusk Till Dawn

Taking a break from dusk till dawn

Richie: Draw their fire from the church just so we get shot at?
Seth: A key component of that is not getting hit.
Richie: If you were a little more durable, maybe I wouldn't have to take as many bullets for you!
Seth: Yeah, well, we all have our weaknesses, don't we?

Richie: Draw their fire from the church just so we get shot at? Seth: A key component of that is not getting hit. Richie: If you were a...

7. Masters of Sex

At arms length masters of sex

I screwed up so many things in my life, but Helen was the one thing I got right. We got each other right. Not that everything was all daffodils, but there was never a sliver of a doubt that we really loved each other 'cause we really did. Sometimes things are so right you don't even think to question them.

Betty
I screwed up so many things in my life, but Helen was the one thing I got right. We got each other right. Not that everything was all...

8. Westworld

The future of the park westworld

Clementine: Penny for your thoughts.
Maeve: Ever had something on the tip of your tongue and no matter how much you try to recall it, it slips away?
Clementine: Most things touch the tip of my tongue I'm happy to forget.

Clementine: Penny for your thoughts. Maeve: Ever had something on the tip of your tongue and no matter how much you try to recall it, it...

9. Once Upon a Time

The cave of wonders once upon a time season 6 episode 5

Shareen: She was helping me find a man who I cared about a long time ago.
Emma: Aladdin?
Shareen: You know him?
Emma: No, I just saw the movie - it's a this world thing.

Shareen: She was helping me find a man who I cared about a long time ago. Emma: Aladdin? Shareen: You know him? Emma: No, I just saw the...

10. Quantico

The stand off quantico

Wait, Langley? Does that mean we can get dressed up? I'm tired of wearing pants!

Lee
Wait, Langley? Does that mean we can get dressed up? I'm tired of wearing pants!

11. NCIS: LA

Callen and kolcheck ncis los angeles

Kensi is a special agent, not a secret agent, which is fortunate, considering you just told a group of strangers. And technically, I'm a cop.

Deeks [to his mother]
Kensi is a special agent, not a secret agent, which is fortunate, considering you just told a group of strangers. And technically, I'm a...

12. The Last Man on Earth

The first to snap the last man on earth

Tandy, I usually have your back but today you've been a real pain in the front.

Carol Pilbasian
Tandy, I usually have your back but today you've been a real pain in the front.

13. The Walking Dead

Everyone is haunted the walking dead

Suck my nuts.

Abraham
Suck my nuts.

14. Agents of SHIELD

The cyberstalker madam secretary

Elizabeth: What can I help you with?
Daisy: I'm hearing things.
Elizabeth: Inside or outside you head?

Elizabeth: What can I help you with? Daisy: I'm hearing things. Elizabeth: Inside or outside you head?

15. Jane the Virgin

Breaking in in america jane the virgin

Rafael: So you're a married virgin...
Jane: I am, yes. A married virgin with a one year old son.

Rafael: So you're a married virgin... Jane: I am, yes. A married virgin with a one year old son.

16. Supergirl

The president arrives supergirl season 2 episode 3

Maggie: I thought the Secret Service would pay closer attention to detail.
Alex: We have technology that makes your city PD lab look like an Easy Bake Oven.

Maggie: I thought the Secret Service would pay closer attention to detail. Alex: We have technology that makes your city PD lab look like...

17. Lucifer

Concerned lucifer season 2 episode 5

You and Maze are like snow pants and elephants.You don't mix.

Lucifer
You and Maze are like snow pants and elephants.You don't mix.

18. This Is Us

Steelers fans this is us

Beth: Bedtimes are at eight and nine; that's teeth brushed and in the bed by eight and nine.
Kevin: So one Sambuca to chase down the ambien and then lights out, right?

Beth: Bedtimes are at eight and nine; that's teeth brushed and in the bed by eight and nine. Kevin: So one Sambuca to chase down the...

19. The Flash

Scarlett speedsters the flash

Caitlin: The team doesn't feel complete without Harrison Wells.
Harry: Then change that. There's a whole multiverse of Harrison Wells out there at your fingertips. Want one? Let's go get one.

Caitlin: The team doesn't feel complete without Harrison Wells. Harry: Then change that. There's a whole multiverse of Harrison Wells out...

20. No Tomorrow

A free spirited friend no tomorrow

I just can't let her whisper to me ever again.

Hank
I just can't let her whisper to me ever again.

21. Bull

Turning down a payday bull

Bull: If you just murdered someone would you go sleep on a park bench?
Marisa: It's hard to say, I've never murdered anyone but don't push me.

Bull: If you just murdered someone would you go sleep on a park bench? Marisa: It's hard to say, I've never murdered anyone but don't...

22. NCIS: NOLA

Plane crash in the bayou ncis new orleans

Gregorio [about Sebastian]: These tangents, are these common?
Percy: It's a lovable quirk.
Sebastian: Thanks, Percy.

Gregorio [about Sebastian]: These tangents, are these common? Percy: It's a lovable quirk. Sebastian: Thanks, Percy.

23. NCIS

Abby sciuto photo

Abby: Gibbs, I can't have a conversation by myself!
Gibbs: It's never stopped you before.

Abby: Gibbs, I can't have a conversation by myself! Gibbs: It's never stopped you before.

24. Pitch

On edge pitch

Mike: I remember my first deadline. I couldn't sleep for a week.
Blip: Oh here we go, Grandpa story time! Somebody, get him a pipe and some ear hair. Oh wait, hold on, no all he needs is the pipe.

Mike: I remember my first deadline. I couldn't sleep for a week. Blip: Oh here we go, Grandpa story time! Somebody, get him a pipe and...

25. Queen Sugar

Aunt vi worries queen sugar s1e8

Micah: Are you okay?
Vi: I will be as soon as Nova answers her phone. She's dodging calls like I'm a damn bill collector.

Micah: Are you okay? Vi: I will be as soon as Nova answers her phone. She's dodging calls like I'm a damn bill collector.

26. Younger

House party younger

Charles: Something's different about you. I can't quite put my finger on it.
Diana [to herself]: Oh, you can put your finger on it.

Charles: Something's different about you. I can't quite put my finger on it. Diana [to herself]: Oh, you can put your finger on it.

27. Arrow

Oliver and lylas plan arrow

How are we supposed to get to the SCPD, call an Uber or something?

Curtis
How are we supposed to get to the SCPD, call an Uber or something?

28. Law & Order: SVU

A difficult situation law and order svu

Rollins: Janie, do you know why you're here?
Janie: Because I was an idiot and drank too much and got alcohol poisoning.

Rollins: Janie, do you know why you're here? Janie: Because I was an idiot and drank too much and got alcohol poisoning.

29. Frequency

Flashes of memory frequency

Here, let me get this straight. You're afraid to sleep with the guy at work who you don't remember, because you'd be cheating on the guy who doesn't remember you? [strikes his beer bottle] Shame...shame...shame...

Gordo
Here, let me get this straight. You're afraid to sleep with the guy at work who you don't remember, because you'd be cheating on the guy...

30. Criminal Minds

The appalachian trail criminal minds

To abduct, kill and dispose of that many victims takes skill and sophistication. But the man in that video looks like he would have a hard time tying his own shoes.

JJ [to Rossi]
To abduct, kill and dispose of that many victims takes skill and sophistication. But the man in that video looks like he would have a...

31. American Horror Story: Roanoke

Secrets are revealed american horror story

You're the Butcher. My idol. My maker. Oh! I'm sorry. [crying] I just wanted to be on TV.

Agnes
You're the Butcher. My idol. My maker. Oh! I'm sorry. [crying] I just wanted to be on TV.

32. Designated Survivor

Defining his presidency designated survivor

And may God have mercy on them, because the United States Navy will have none.

Commander Clark
And may God have mercy on them, because the United States Navy will have none.

33. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Sports skills crazy ex girlfriend

Ping-pong girl - she's like Serena or Venus, just watching her swing affects my penis. You know us dudes, we love to talk about our penises.

Josh
Ping-pong girl - she's like Serena or Venus, just watching her swing affects my penis. You know us dudes, we love to talk about our...

34. The Big Bang Theory

A sheldon style brunch the big bang theory

I hope it's not a West Coast party, because according to the man on the radio, a West Coast party don't stop.

Sheldon
I hope it's not a West Coast party, because according to the man on the radio, a West Coast party don't stop.

35. Legends of Tomorrow

Feudal japan dcs legends of tomorrow

Sara: How does the showgun even know how to use the ATOM suit?
Ray: I designed it so an idiot could use it.
Mick: An idiot does.

Sara: How does the showgun even know how to use the ATOM suit? Ray: I designed it so an idiot could use it. Mick: An idiot does.

36. Rosewood

A perplexing case rosewood

Rosewood: Mitchie, you're a genius.
Mitchie: I am? I am! Wait, why?

Rosewood: Mitchie, you're a genius. Mitchie: I am? I am! Wait, why?

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Tag:
TV Quotes
Shows:
Gotham, Shameless, From Dusk Till Dawn, Masters of Sex, Westworld, Once Upon a Time, Quantico, NCIS: Los Angeles, The Last Man on Earth, The Walking Dead, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Jane the Virgin, Timeless, Supergirl, Scorpion, Lucifer, This Is Us, The Flash, No Tomorrow, Bull, NCIS: New Orleans, NCIS, Pitch, Queen Sugar, Younger, Arrow, Law & Order: SVU, Frequency, Criminal Minds, American Horror Story, Designated Survivor, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, The Big Bang Theory, DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Rosewood, How to Get Away with Murder, Pure Genius, Grey's Anatomy, The Blacklist, Chicago Med, The Vampire Diaries, Hawaii Five-0, MacGyver, Blue Bloods, Quarry
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TV Quotes Slideshows, Gotham Slideshows, Shameless Slideshows, From Dusk Till Dawn Slideshows, Masters of Sex Slideshows, Westworld Slideshows, Once Upon a Time Slideshows, Quantico Slideshows, NCIS: Los Angeles Slideshows, The Last Man on Earth Slideshows, The Walking Dead Slideshows, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Slideshows, Jane the Virgin Slideshows, Timeless Slideshows, Supergirl Slideshows, Scorpion Slideshows, Lucifer Slideshows, This Is Us Slideshows, The Flash Slideshows, No Tomorrow Slideshows, Bull Slideshows, NCIS: New Orleans Slideshows, NCIS Slideshows, Pitch Slideshows, Queen Sugar Slideshows, Younger Slideshows, Arrow Slideshows, Law & Order: SVU Slideshows, Frequency Slideshows, Criminal Minds Slideshows, American Horror Story Slideshows, Designated Survivor Slideshows, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Slideshows, TBBT Slideshows, DC's Legends of Tomorrow Slideshows, Rosewood Slideshows, How to Get Away with Murder Slideshows, Pure Genius Slideshows, Grey's Anatomy Slideshows, The Blacklist Slideshows, Chicago Med Slideshows, Vampire Diaries Slideshows, Hawaii Five-0 Slideshows, MacGyver Slideshows, Blue Bloods Slideshows, Quarry Slideshows
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TV Quotes Quotes

Buy the dip. Short the VIX. Fuck Bitcoin.

Gus

When I was a summer analyst at Solomon, my boss looked like Newman from Seinfeld. Like Newman, if he was a linebacker. He once said to me, "I used to think if there was such a thing as reincarnation, I wanted to come back as the president, or the pope, or a 400 baseball hitter. But now, I want to come back as the Bond Market because it intimidates everybody." People like us, born at the bottom. Where would you put our percentage chance of ever making that top quintile? It's about 3%. That's intimidating; we intimidate people here. Why is that? Because hunger is not a birthright. Your qualifications don't have to be a problem for you because they don't have to be a problem for me. Understand what I'm saying?

Eric