You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyoncé.

We're gay for baseball.

You know, when I tore my scrote, I was, uhhh, I was seeing this really hot urologist about it and I thought she was into me. But, now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO. You know. She's touching around down there it's easy to get confused.

It's Secretary's Day. And, it is Erin and mine's three week anniversary. So, perfect storm! For a romantic gesture. Wanted the whole office to remember it's Secretary's Day. I sent an email blast, a text blast. A good old fashioned talk blast. I sent a snail mail blast a week ago. And, a stern reminder via fax at seven o'clock this morning. So people better step up. And appreciate the crap out of Erin. I do. If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a step-mom.

I resent the implication that I would keep that secret. I can't and I won't.

Erin: I think I have to be on my own a little bit, like Precious, that girl from Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire.
Andy: I didn't see that movie.

Andy: Erin! I need you to fax this and get me a confirmation prompto. Are you going later?
Erin: Sure, if you are.
Andy: Yes!
Erin: Talk to me like that again and I'll cut your face off.
Andy: Whoa!

Andy: Hey Boss Man, bunch of us are going to get some drinks, you in?
Michael: [pauses] Ladies and gentlemen it is quitting time!
Andy: I'm sorry I meant later.
Michael: Okay. Yes.
Andy: For happy hour?
Michael: Sure, no, I got that.

Andy: Wow. Can you imagine what people would say if they saw us dancing together.
Erin: Oh I know.
Andy: They'd be like, "What's up with those twoo!"
Erin: "Hey guys get a bedroom already!"
Andy: "Did we miss the wedding!"
Erin: [laughs]
Andy: Um I got it! I'll do this, and you play the racing game and then we'll switch.
Erin: [pause] Yes. Okay. Yeah that's smart.
Andy: No drama, okay.

Rid-dit-dit-dit-do.

She should go home. It's not the end of the world. We'll go on a date next week. She's still gonna like me in a week. Right...?

Erin and I have our first date tonight. And it has to be perfect. Why? Because according to How I Met Your Mother, that's the date that your kids are going to wait patiently to hear about and you'd better have a good story to tell them.

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 258 in total

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The Office Quotes

Michael: Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?
Pam: Steve Martin's not dead, Michael.
Michael: I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It's this.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael
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