Anthony (Tony) DiNozzo Quotes
Lodge owner: I swear, the old witch is psychic. If I have so much as a thought of another woman...
Tony: You don't have to answer that.
Lodge owner: I have to.
McGee: Tony what's going on? Do you have a drinking problem?
Tony: No. No, I just....I joined this men's support group. Meets in the church hall two nights a week.
McGee: You serious?
Tony: Uh huh. I know - it doesn't sound like me. But, with the past year I just wanted to shake things up a little bit. Meet some new people. This guy at the gym told me about the group and I thought it sounded like a good idea. And it is. It's fun. The Rev drove me to Quantico the other morning. Interesting guy. He's helping me be less judgemental.
Tony: Sgt. Dunne, Olivia Chandler and Wendell Kaiser all have one thing in common. They all go to AA meetings.
McGee: Probably where they met.
Tony: The sergeant and the trophy wife are lovers. The desk clerk at the Chevy Chase Lodge said that they were regulars. It's just like that movie "Body Heat". William Hurt and Kathleen Turner. God. She was really something, boss. A head turner. Anyway, they were young lovers and they wanted the rich husband's money and him out of the way.
McGee: On the other hand, you've got Wendell Kaiser who's deep in debt to his bookie and needs him off his back.
Tony: So they help each other and switch murders.
McGee: While Kaiser was in New York, Dunne killed the bookie with Olivia's help. She drove him. Her car was in the vicinity. Who would ever suspect them? I mean there's no connection, no motive.
Tony: Tomorrow, Sgt. Dunne is going to deploy. Olivia Chandler's off to Jamaica. And I'm betting that while they're away, her husband's going to have a terrible accident at the hands of Mr. Kaiser here - a man with whom he has no connection.
McGee: I see that victim sensitivity training really paid off.
Tony: I think somebody's been spending a little too much time watching Bette Midler movies. Delilah have you sit down and watch "Beaches" again?
McGee: Leave her out of it.
McGee: You don't deserve yogurt, you know that? All you do is bash people: me, the suit guy, Jackson.
Tony: Okay. I got it. Thanks for setting me straight. You are the wind beneath my wings.
Asabe Dawson: Why couldn't he have just let the man have the money?
Tony: He's still a Marine, even on leave.
Tony: Now me, I like a challenge. Pulling one over on Gibbs - that would be a feat for the ages.
McGee: What do you have - a death wish?
Tony: I like to live dangerously.
Tony: Oil business has Benham Parsa written all over it.
McGee: They don't think there's a connection. Intel shows that Parsa's still underground.
We live in a strange world, McGee. I miss the days when computer nerds looked like you.
Tony: I've got an uneasy feeling, McGee.
McGee: Well I told you not to order Chinese from a Mexican restaurant.
Tony: You're a special lady, Borin. Can't wait to meet the peg-leg gentleman who woos you.
Borin: Yo ho ho, DiNozzo.
Gibbs: Whaddya got?
Borin: We have a problem.
Gibbs: Worse than DiNozzo's crabs?