Anthony (Tony) DiNozzo Quotes
Gibbs: Anything I can do?
Bishop: Uh, it's pretty self-explanatory, really.
Gibbs: Did you check to see if that little gizmo there is attached to that other giddy-bop?
Bishop: Mmm. Not yet. You think that'll do it?
Gibbs: If you spit on it. Sometimes that works.
Bishop: All right.
Tony: Oh, come on!
- Permalink: Better tighten the doohickey first.
Bishop: I don't get drunk.
Tony: I'm sorry. I didn't understand what you said.
Bishop: It's physically impossible for me. I tried in college. Can't. Ask my husband.
Tony: There are a lot of things I want to ask your husband.
- Permalink: A.K.A. Metabolic Tolerance
Gibbs: How's your love life, DiNozzo?
Gibbs: You still seeing the secretary?
McGee: He means Andrea.
Bishop: Andrea. Hmm. Who's Andrea?
Tony: Andrea. Oh yeah. Yeah. She's uh, I mean, it's kind of on an as-needed basis.
Pride: Friends with benefits?
Gibbs: Yeah well those aren't benefits like dental insurance.
- Permalink: Yeah well those aren't benefits like dental insurance.
Tony: He just pulled the "this is my wedding gift to him" card.
McGee: Well that's a very nice one.
Tony: I guess it beats the steak knives I was going to re-gift him.
- Permalink: Maybe a gift certificate's too tacky.
Tony: Such a shame. Vintage 62 Telecaster.
Gibbs: Yeah. Real tragedy.
Tony: Yeah, cause--the dead people are a shame too. It's just....oh look, it's McGee!
- Permalink: Shame about the guitar. Also the dead people.
Bishop: He's not our guy.
Tony: We should still arrest him for that hair-do.
Bishop: Hey, what have you got against mullets?
- Permalink: Business in the front, party in the back.
Manheim: He still lives with his mother? I want a DNA test.
Tony: Abby's already run it. Congrats. It's a boy. Sort of.
- Permalink: Manheim Gold's brand new bundle of joy.
Tony: The little autopsy gremlin is growing up.
Ducky: His whole life is going to change.
Gibbs: Over and over.
- Permalink: Palmer rushes out and everyone prognosticates.
All right. Okay. Put your drinks down. On a coaster. And make your way in an orderly fashion to the front door, or I will shoot you. That means you, mullet.
- Permalink: Tony clears out the sanctuary.
Tony: You're enjoying this a little too much, aren't you Eugene?
Coyle: Just doing my job.
- Permalink: Martyr Tony
Don't be seduced by his charm. He's self-centered, a one-man wrecking crew who leaves disaster in his wake.
- Permalink: Tony Sr.'s character assessment.
Liz Allen: I think my husband's having an affair.
Tony: Unbelievable. A guy'd have to be nuts to cheat on a dame like you.
- Permalink: Tony Noir
McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.
- Permalink: Abby's highly-specific rules for dating
McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.