Tony: Maybe that's why we never see Jake. Maybe she ate him.
Bishop: Or maybe he's just busy.
Tony: Or maybe you had him with fava beans, and a nice Chianti

Tony: You know the "Men" in "Men's Room" is more of a rule than a suggestion, probie.
Bishop: Look, you two always get to go off giggling to the urinal together and I always get left out. So we're going to talk and we're going to do it here.

Trust us, Bishop. The Abby dating world is a vortex you do not want to get sucked into. Sometimes it's complicated. Just let Abby be Abby.

Tony: He followed me, for like two blocks. I couldn't just shut the door on him.
McGee: I thought you didn't like cats.
Tony: I don't. I gave the landlord 48 hours to find him another place to live, or his furry ass is out on the street.

Tony: You know, being in here, surrounded by one man's quest to find his friend and give him a proper burial....it's really made me think about the importance of friendship.
McGee: Wow. Thanks Tony.
Tony: Oh not you.
McGee: This is the cat you found.
Tony: Yeah. Rick Blaine. I named him after Humphrey Bogart's character in Casablanca, because of the furry tuxedo.
McGee: You named him?
Tony: Yeah. I'm going to keep him. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

McGee: She doesn't want to wear a costume.
Tony: What? Are you insane? For the love of all that is holy, probie - let's get with the program. Abby takes this holiday very seriously. You deviate from the plan, you pay the consequences. Tell her, McGee.
McGee: Halloween 2007, I told Abby I didn't want to carve a pumpkin.
Tony: He's still waiting for the other one to descend.

Bishop: What about Chris in HR?
Tony: Nah. Too judgmental. She never laughed at the emails I sent her.
McGee: That's because they were offensive.
Tony: See? Too judgmental.
Bishop: What about Erica from accounting? What went wrong there?
Tony: Cats. They were all named Mr. Darcy.
Bishop: Don't you think you're being a little picky?
Tony: Well, there's a lot of fish in the sea.
McGee: Not at the rate you've been fishing.
Tony: What can I say, McGee? Women find me alluring.

Keates: Spider?
Tony: Keates?
Gibbs: You know her?
Tony: Um, well I..in a sort of...yeah. She's Philly PD.
Keates: She was. She's ATF now. Special Agent Zoe Keates. You want to get that gun out of my face and come over here and give me a hug?

Keates: If there was ever any indication that he or his family were any danger we would have stepped in.
Gibbs: His wife's dead. Think you missed your cue.
Keates: Okay look here, John Wayne. You don't come into my house and accuse me of not doing my job.
Tony: Okay why don't we just settle down, back it up.
Keates: Like hell. I am damned good at what I do. I'm also professional enough to admit when I've made a mistake but only when I've made one.

Burton: Isn't this a pleasant surprise. And who might you be?
Tony: I'm very special Agent Tony DiNozzo.
Burton: I do love Italian.

Abby: I know you, Tony. The real you. And the fake happy front you put up you.
Tony: Oh come on. I am a happy dude. I mean I like, radiate happiness. That song "Happy"?
Abby: That's baloney. This whole random act of dating schtick? Nobody's buying it, okay? We know you're lonely, and we no why. Ziva. Say it. Ziva.
Tony: Come on. I can say it. I know her name. Ziva.
Abby: Okay then let's stop dancing around this whole thing, okay - we all miss her. I love Ziva but she left us. She's gone. And it hurts, and it sucks but that's reality. We have to face it.
Tony: I have faced it, many many times. She said no, she didn't want to come back. That's that. I have moved on from it.
Abby: But you haven't moved on from her. And you can't keep putting your life on hold waiting for her to show up, because she probably never will.
Tony: I know. Doesn't make it any easier. The truth is: I miss my friend.
Abby: You have friends here too, Tony, don't forget.
Tony: I know. Thanks Abby.

Tony: Now look. Gibbs isn't there, me neither. Listen, McGee - you're the boss now.
McGee: Me? Whoa, whoa. Tony....
Tony: Don't mess it up.

NCIS Quotes

If someone thinks they have the upper-hand, break it. (Season 8, Episode 24)

Rule #16

[voiceover] Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.

McGee