Bart: I need you to teach me all about the world of juzz.
Lisa: It's jazz! Jazz! You don't even know the name of the thing you're stealing from me!

(On the way to school, Otto stops the bus and offers Metallica a ride; their tour bus has broken down.)
Otto: So what are you waiting for? Hop in.
James Hetfield: (Chuckles) Hop in what?
(The school bus peels away with Bart at the wheel.)
Bart: Look at me, I'm Otto! I'm a hundred years old and I drive a school bus!
Otto: Oh, man. Maybe me and Metallica can go splitsies on a cab.
(Hans Moleman slowly drives by in a pickup truck, with Metallica and their gear in the bed of the truck.)
Kirk Hammett: Hey, loser, we got a ride from a real fan!
Hans Moleman: I used to sleep with Lars' grandmother.
Robert Trujillo: Never listen to our music again!
(Hans Moleman pulls away as Metallica plays an instrumental from the song, "Master of Puppets.")

(Bart, Legs and Louie pay a vist to Krusty the Clown at Krusty Burger.)
Bart: Krusty, Fat Tony hasn't received his weekly payment for keeping McDonald's and Burger King out of town.
Krusty the Clown: Well, I'm a little short this week. Could I just pay you $5 to keep out Hardee's?

Lisa's got school, career, posture . . . why'd she have to steal Krusty from me?

(At an auction for a "Kissing Lincolns Penny")
Homer: Five dollars!
Mr. Burns: Five hundred.
Homer: Five dollars, cash.
Host: Sir, the promise of cash is not an endorsement. The current bid is $500. Going once, going twice--
Bart: Dad!
Homer: Five hundred-one!
Mr. Burns: Ten million.
Homer: Objection, Your Honor!

(Bart and Homer are looking though a large pile of coins for the "Kissing Lincolns Penny")
Bart: One of these has got to be that smooching Lincoln penny. Nope. Nope. Dime. Button. Pepperoni slice.
Homer: (grabbing pepperoni slice) Wait! This is a classic 1978 Pizza Hut! (eats it) Mmm...terrible.

(After Krusty announces that he's searching for a new Krusketeer)
Bart: I am so gonna try out for that!
Milhouse: Me too! But I hope you get it.
Bart: No, I hope you get it.
Milhouse: Well, I really hope you get it.
Bart: Yeah, I hope I get it too. Later!
(Bart leaves)
Milhouse: (in awe) For a second there, he hoped I got it.

Marge: (To Bart) Say something comforting.
Bart: Okay, comforting, comforting. Uh, Dad? Whenever I would hang out with Grandma she would always ask me about you and I'd say, "You suck." And she would say, "You don't suck that bad."
Homer: She said I didn't suck?
Bart: That bad.
Homer: That bad. Wow.
Bart: Yeah.

Bart: (recording a voice for his stuffed hippo) Bart is awesome.
Stuffed Hippo: Bart is awesome.
Bart: This guy could put Milhouse out of business!

Marge: Thank God they're not jeering at us anymore.
Homer: I know. (pause) Kinda miss it.
Bart: I know! We'll be in another movie. And this time we'll act really bad!
Marge: No more Simpsons movies! One was plenty.

Mom, they're gonna kill Lou and make him into food and fringe vests for gay cowboys!

Sorry, Lise. I can't be a vegetarian. I love the taste of death.

The Simpsons Quotes

(Squishing an ice cream to his forehead) I'm a unitard!

Ralph

Kent Brockman: When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind? This reporter isn't saying that the burglar is an inhuman monster like the Wolfman, but he very well could be. So, professor: would you say it's time for everyone to panic?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.