Bart Simpson Quotes
(Principal Skinner finally stands up to Bart's peanut threats.)
Principal Skinner: Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long. Eat shrimp and die!
(Principal Skinner holds up a stick with a shrimp attached to it.)
Bart: No! I'm allergic!
(Bart holds up his stick with a peanut attached to it.)
Principal Skinner: Stick-on-stick. Just like the knights of old.
Bart: No one teaches me history!
- Permalink: Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long. E...
(The Simpson family arrives at the Springfield Mall.)
Lisa: This place is lookin' a little run down.
Bart: Yeah, hasn't been the same since they murdered the Mayor's dad here.
- Permalink: This place is lookin' a little run down. Yeah, hasn't been the...
Marge: Bart, here's a letter from your school.
Bart: A fire? I didn't start a fire in the teachers' lounge! I mean, what fire? I mean, a letter from school? Please elaborate.
Marge: Someone at your school has a life-threating peanut allergy.
Bart: Cool! Who is it?
Marge: Ah, the letter doesn't say. But from now on, no peanut products are allowed on school property.
(Marge examines Bart's lunch box.)
Marge: Hmm, let's see what you've got. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, trail mix, starring peanuts. Good grief, more peanuts!
(Marge holds up a copy of "Good Grief, More Peanuts" by Charles M. Schultz.)
- Permalink: Bart, here's a letter from your school. A fire? I didn't start...
(At the video arcade in the Springfield Mall, Bart plays a parody of Asteroids called "Triangle Wars.")
Bart: What's going on here? Am I destroying these triangles or trying to assemble them? What's does this button do?
(Bart presses the "Hyperspace" button.)
Bart: (Moans) Now my ship is pooping more triangles.
(The video game emits an electronic chime.)
Bart: Oh, no. I won a free game.
- Permalink: What's going on here? Am I destroying these triangles or trying ...
(Marge goes on a carpentry binge, and builds all sorts of things.)
Lisa: Wow, Mom, you made all this?
Bart: It's like you're the Jesus of carpentry!
Marge: Aww, what sweet blasphemy.
- Permalink: Wow, Mom, you made all this? It's like you're the Jesus of car...
(Marge takes away Bart's laser pointer.)
Marge: Bart! Do you want to leave the funeral early? Do you?
Bart: Yes! Of course.
- Permalink: Bart! Do you want to leave the funeral early? Do you? Yes! Of ...
Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: What it is, hip cats? Would you like me to scat-sing the menu?
Bart: Hell, no.
Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: Oh, god bless you, sir!
- Permalink: What it is, hip cats? Would you like me to scat-sing the menu? ...
(Lisa spots Bart and his Blues muscian friends hanging out in the attic.)
Lisa: Bart! What are you doing here?
Bart: Uh, (Stammers) not smoking reefer.
Blues Musician: Uh, that's right. We--we all not smokin' reefer.
- Permalink: Bart! What are you doing here? Uh, not smoking reefer. Uh, ...
(Marge is stressed about the possible doom of Lisa's animals.)
Bart: Oh, this benfit concert is gonna be Scooby Dooby!
Marge: I'm very happy for you, Bart. (Sighs)
Bart: Why are you sad? Thinkin' about your marriage?
- Permalink: Oh, this benfit concert is gonna be Scooby Dooby! I'm very hap...
Jazz folks may have the smallest apartments, but they have the biggest hearts! And the biggest heart I know lives inside my sister, Lisa.
(entire audience gasps)
- Permalink: Jazz folks may have the smallest apartments, but they have the b...
Bart: So how did Malt Liquor Mommy die?
Marge: Stop calling her that!
- Permalink: So how did Malt Liquor Mommy die? Stop calling her that!
(Bart practices his new drum set all over town and accidentally crashes into the band White Stripes.)
Jack White: Hey, kid, why don't you watch where you're drumming?!
Bart: Sorry, White Stripes. No hard feelings?
(Meg and Jack White look at each other.)
Meg White: Let's kick his ass!
- Permalink: Hey, kid, why don't you watch where you're drumming?! Sorry, W...