Bart Simpson Quotes
(In "Married to the Blob," Dr. Phil and Homer's family try to intervene during an eating rampage.)
Dr. Phil: Homer, your family's here. And you've gotta help me help them help you help me help you.
Homer: Marge, I missed you. All this eating has put me in the mood for a little lovin' (Purrs sexily)
Marge: I have to be honest with you: I can't love a 4,000 ton cannibal.
Homer: What happened to "for better or for worse?!"
Bart: Dad, you're eating Dr. Phil.
Homer: (Licks fingers) It's amazing. He tastes just like Jeffery Tambor.
(Dr. Phil can be seen grunting and struggling inside Homer's stomach.)
Dr. Phil: Food does not equal love!
(Dr. Phil perishes inside Homer's stomach.)
- Permalink: Homer, your family's here. And you've gotta help me help them he...
(In "Married to the Blob," after eating the green goo, Homer's stomach rumbles and he wakes up in a zombie-like trance.)
Homer: Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping.
(Homer heads down to the kitchen and raids the refrigerator.)
Homer: (Panting) Still hungry.
(Bart stumbles into the kitchen to see what is going on.)
Homer: Son, let me have a lick at you.
(Homer stuffs Bart into his mouth and tries to eat him. Marge walks into the kitchen and clicks on the light.)
Marge: Homer! You won't eat my stuffed peppers, but you'll eat our son?
Homer: Nag, nag, nag.
(Homer pulls a squirming Bart out of his mouth.)
- Permalink: Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping....
(Principal Skinner finally stands up to Bart's peanut threats.)
Principal Skinner: Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long. Eat shrimp and die!
(Principal Skinner holds up a stick with a shrimp attached to it.)
Bart: No! I'm allergic!
(Bart holds up his stick with a peanut attached to it.)
Principal Skinner: Stick-on-stick. Just like the knights of old.
Bart: No one teaches me history!
- Permalink: Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long. E...
(The Simpson family arrives at the Springfield Mall.)
Lisa: This place is lookin' a little run down.
Bart: Yeah, hasn't been the same since they murdered the Mayor's dad here.
- Permalink: This place is lookin' a little run down. Yeah, hasn't been the...
Marge: Bart, here's a letter from your school.
Bart: A fire? I didn't start a fire in the teachers' lounge! I mean, what fire? I mean, a letter from school? Please elaborate.
Marge: Someone at your school has a life-threating peanut allergy.
Bart: Cool! Who is it?
Marge: Ah, the letter doesn't say. But from now on, no peanut products are allowed on school property.
(Marge examines Bart's lunch box.)
Marge: Hmm, let's see what you've got. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, trail mix, starring peanuts. Good grief, more peanuts!
(Marge holds up a copy of "Good Grief, More Peanuts" by Charles M. Schultz.)
- Permalink: Bart, here's a letter from your school. A fire? I didn't start...
(At the video arcade in the Springfield Mall, Bart plays a parody of Asteroids called "Triangle Wars.")
Bart: What's going on here? Am I destroying these triangles or trying to assemble them? What's does this button do?
(Bart presses the "Hyperspace" button.)
Bart: (Moans) Now my ship is pooping more triangles.
(The video game emits an electronic chime.)
Bart: Oh, no. I won a free game.
- Permalink: What's going on here? Am I destroying these triangles or trying ...
(Marge goes on a carpentry binge, and builds all sorts of things.)
Lisa: Wow, Mom, you made all this?
Bart: It's like you're the Jesus of carpentry!
Marge: Aww, what sweet blasphemy.
- Permalink: Wow, Mom, you made all this? It's like you're the Jesus of car...
(Marge takes away Bart's laser pointer.)
Marge: Bart! Do you want to leave the funeral early? Do you?
Bart: Yes! Of course.
- Permalink: Bart! Do you want to leave the funeral early? Do you? Yes! Of ...
Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: What it is, hip cats? Would you like me to scat-sing the menu?
Bart: Hell, no.
Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: Oh, god bless you, sir!
- Permalink: What it is, hip cats? Would you like me to scat-sing the menu? ...
(Lisa spots Bart and his Blues muscian friends hanging out in the attic.)
Lisa: Bart! What are you doing here?
Bart: Uh, (Stammers) not smoking reefer.
Blues Musician: Uh, that's right. We--we all not smokin' reefer.
- Permalink: Bart! What are you doing here? Uh, not smoking reefer. Uh, ...
(Marge is stressed about the possible doom of Lisa's animals.)
Bart: Oh, this benfit concert is gonna be Scooby Dooby!
Marge: I'm very happy for you, Bart. (Sighs)
Bart: Why are you sad? Thinkin' about your marriage?
- Permalink: Oh, this benfit concert is gonna be Scooby Dooby! I'm very hap...
Jazz folks may have the smallest apartments, but they have the biggest hearts! And the biggest heart I know lives inside my sister, Lisa.
(entire audience gasps)
- Permalink: Jazz folks may have the smallest apartments, but they have the b...
Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
- Permalink: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles tri...
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Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
- Permalink: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut! Twenty dollars can buy...
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