The Simpsons

Bart Simpson Quotes (Page 12)

Jenny: Are you saying our entire relationship is based on lies?
Bart: Not our entire relationship. Just the stuff I said.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

(Picking out a Tuxedo for Bart. He doesn't look pleased with his puffy shirt tuxedo.)
Bart: (frowning) Isn't this shirt kinda gay?
Clerk: Last time I checked, pirates weren't gay.
Homer: Eww, how'd you check?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart: I can't believe we have to start another year at school. I never learned anything at that suck shack.
Homer: Hey! Who taught you language like that?
Bart: Kid at school.
Homer: So you did learn something!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: I need some candy for our first playdate, but I don't want to come on too strong.
Bart: M&M's?
Lisa: Well, if I pick plain she'll think I'm cheap, and if I pick peanut, she may have an allergy. You just killed her, Bart!
Bart: How about Charleston Chew?
Lisa: What is this, Brooklyn in the fifties? Don't just say stuff.
Bart: You asked for my help, then you don't want it.
Apu: Excuse me, but why not consider an Almond Joy? It looks like you only brought something for yourself, but then you just happen to have two pieces.
Lisa: Finally, a real suggestion!
Bart: If she doesn't like coconut, you're screwed!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: You can't keep Juliet and me apart! I'll... I'll disobey!
Marge: I'm Bart Simpson's mother, do you think you've got any tricks I haven't seen. ((Leaves the room)
((Lisa climbs out the window and slides down the tree only to land in a laundry basket being held by Marge)
Marge: Bart Simpson: Age 3. (Both go back inside)
(Bart comes out of a hidden door in the tree dressed in black)
Bart Simpson: Age 10. Mhwahahahaha!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jimbo: Nice prank, Simpson. I dare you to dump that bees' nest on those second grade babies.
Bart: Why would I want to?
Jimbo: Because I said "I dare you." Kearney, can you read it back?
Kearney: (reading) "Nice prank, Simpson. I dare you to dump that bees' nest on those second-grade babies. Bart: Why would I want to? Jimbo: Because I said 'I dare you.' Kearney, can you read it back? Kearney, reading: Nice prank, Simpson. I dare you to--"
Jimbo: The point is, Simpson, a dare has been placed on your nards.
Bart: My nards accept.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Lisa's bees are swarming around the breakfast table)
Bart: Mom, maybe you shouldn't have put so much syrup on the pancakes.
Homer: The secret is not to swallow the stingers. (takes big bite of pancakes with bees on them, and spits stingers out into a glass)
Lisa: Dad, don't eat the bees!
Homer: They're just drones, Lisa, they only live for, like, five minutes anyway! And they only have haploid cells, not diploid like me and Bart!
Bart: Yeah! (high-fives Homer)
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Okay, remember our deal: Everyone gets to return one Christmas present with no hurt feelings. (holds up calendar with "From Bart" sticker) I'm returning this kitten calendar.
Lisa: (holds up identical calendar) Um, I'm also returning this kitten calendar.
Homer: Kitten calendar.
(Maggie holds up kitten calendar)
Bart: Hey, those are 15-month calendars! That gives you three extra kittens.
(The family stares at him blankly. He takes back the calendars)
Bart: That's the last time I get you guys a Christmas present at the last minute. (looks at back of calendar) Man, those are ugly kittens.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: A log cabin? What am I, Davy Crockett? Also, who's Davy Crockett?
 • Rating: Unrated

(Bart enjoys his Cereal Killer video game)
Bart: I'm cuckoo for killing stuff!
 • Rating: Unrated

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