The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXBart Simpson Quotes
(Lisa's bees are swarming around the breakfast table)
Bart: Mom, maybe you shouldn't have put so much syrup on the pancakes.
Homer: The secret is not to swallow the stingers. (takes big bite of pancakes with bees on them, and spits stingers out into a glass)
Lisa: Dad, don't eat the bees!
Homer: They're just drones, Lisa, they only live for, like, five minutes anyway! And they only have haploid cells, not diploid like me and Bart!
Bart: Yeah! (high-fives Homer)
Jimbo: Nice prank, Simpson. I dare you to dump that bees' nest on those second grade babies.
Bart: Why would I want to?
Jimbo: Because I said "I dare you." Kearney, can you read it back?
Kearney: (reading) "Nice prank, Simpson. I dare you to dump that bees' nest on those second-grade babies. Bart: Why would I want to? Jimbo: Because I said 'I dare you.' Kearney, can you read it back? Kearney, reading: Nice prank, Simpson. I dare you to--"
Jimbo: The point is, Simpson, a dare has been placed on your nards.
Bart: My nards accept.
Bart: I missed you so much that I couldn't concentrate in school and I got an "F."
Homer: This is dated two weeks ago.
Bart: Oh, sorry. Here's a fresh one.
Homer: Well, I'm opposed to the whole thing! Damn opposed!
Bart: He's damn opposed! Damn damn damn opposed!
(ordering things over the phone with Homer's wallet) Do you accept the Federal Breast Inspector's card? ...License to Ogle? Vica...Oh, yes of course that's what I meant, Visa. It's these new dentures
(Bart answers the door)
Man: Yeah, hi. I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
Bart: That's me.
Man: (Punches Bart in the face.) Don't write no more letters to Mr. Sinatra.
(doorbell rings Bart answers it)
Teenager: I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
Bart: Uh that's me.
Teenager: (Punches Bart in the face.) Stop stealing golf balls from the driving range!
(Doorbell rings)
Man: (Through door) Homer Simpson! I've got a uh special delivery for you.
Bart: Go away.
Man: If you do not open the door, Mr. Simpson I cannot give you your special delivery.
(Bart sees it's his animation cell he ordered.)
Man: Here's your special delivery.
Bart: Thanks...
Man: (Punches Bart in the face.) And that's for keeping me waiting.
Lisa: Hey, where's Grampa? Wasn't he invited to the wedding?
Bart: Yeah. But his reply envelope just had a check to the gas company in it.
Bart: I'm going to keep the Mary Worth phone right here. Her stern but sensible face will remind me never to do anything so stupid again.
(it rings and Bart answers it)
Milhouse: Hey Bart, you want to go play with that X-ray machine in the abandoned hospital?
Bart: Sure!
Bart: (Imitating Grampa and Jacqueline) Don't forget the Smeckler's powder.
Grampa and Jacqueline: Don't make fun!
Bart and Lisa: (Singing dull) Hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs.
Grampa: Sing it like you mean it!
(Grampa plays harmonica and the kids sing it with style.)
Bart and Lisa: What kind of kids eat Armour Hot Dogs?
Bart: Fat kids.
Lisa: Skinny kids.
Bart: Kids who climb on rocks.
Lisa: Tough kids.
Bart: Sissy kids.
Milhouse: (Sticks head from the window.) Even kids with chicken pox love--
Family: Hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs.
(Grampa stops playing harmonica.) The dogs kids love to bite!
Lisa: Doesn't this family know any songs that aren't commercials?
(Everyone except Lisa starts singing the "Chicken Tonight" jingle.)
Bart: See Lisa, they don't need my help proving Freddy innocent.
Lisa: That's because Mayor Quimby is buying his nephew's freedom.
Bart: The system works.
(about Principal Skinner) Oh my God, he is like some sort of ... non ... giving up ... school guy!
