Peter: Brian, can I see that paper for a sec? [Brian hands him the paper] Huh, that's odd. I thought that would be big news.
Brian: You thought what would be big news?
Peter: Well, there seems to be an absence of a certain ornithological piece. A headline regarding mass awareness of a certain avian variety.
Brian: What are you talking about?
Peter: Oh, have you not heard? It was my understanding that everyone had heard...
Brian: Heard what?
Stewie: Brian, don't! [Peter puts the record on and starts dancing and singing]

Brian: What the hell is your problem Zsa Zsa?
Arianna Huffington: What is yours, Snoopy?

You have to do some of the work yourself. That's why there are 50 blank pages.

Bill Maher: Help is such a strong word. How does this help people with cancer or in Darfur?
Brian: Well it's not really for that. It's for like, if you want a car or something.

Brian: Wish it, Want it, Do it.
Stewie: Love it!

Her fists are so dangerous, she's not allowed to be a lesbian.

That jerk dog from our patio door somehow got inside a hubcap.

Pink Panther: Hey first day being pink?
Brian: Yeah.
Pink Panther: Welcome to hell.

Stewie: It's True Blood.
Brian: No one knows what that is.
Stewie: Rich, gay people do.

Stewie: How do you not know that your reflection in the patio door isn't another dog?
Brian: Hey, that guy is a dick.

Dear God, who definitely exists, we your people who have been on this planet for 6,000 years and not a second more want to thank you for this bounty and keeping congress primarily white through Christ, our Lord.

Oh no! It's a multi racial TV gang, including white guys.

Family Guy Quotes

Young Michael Jackson: The kid in me likes the frosted side.
Adult Michael Jackson: But the grown-up in me likes the kid in me.

Peter: I'm making my own Red Bull! Lois can't stop me from experiencing the manic highs and lows my body demands.
Brian: Whoa, whoa you're adding kerosene? That's insane! That'll destroy your body, Peter!
Peter: Kerosene is fuel, Brian. Red Bull is fuel. Kerosene is Red Bull...
Brian: That drink will kill you, Peter.
Peter: Whatever kills me will make me stronger.