Charlie Harper Quotes
Season 8, Episode 16: "That Darn Priest"
Alan: Hey, I'm just looking out for you.
Charlie: Do me a favor; a little less looking out and a little more moving out.
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Season 8, Episode 15: "Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak"
Gordon: God, I love your life.
Charlie: Thanks, but it's really not as fun as it looks.
Gordon: Really?
Charlie: Nah, I'm kidding! Cheers to me!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Alan: Once the profits start rolling in, I could move out.
Charlie: And once I start growing boobs I could start working the lunch shift at Les Girls, Girls, Girls.
• Rating: Unrated
Charlie: Berta, are you seeing this? Am I dreaming?
Berta: Do you have the Kardashian sisters under the table?
Charlie: No.
Berta: Then you're not dreaming.
• Rating: Unrated
Charlie: My date just canceled on me.
Gordon: Can't the service just send over another girl?
• Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
Alan: You have five grand in your sweatpants?
Charlie: I prefer to think of it as "three hookers and a Philly cheesesteak."
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Alan: How much is this going to cost me?
Charlie: The question is, "how much is this going to earn you?"
Alan: I'll stick with my question.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 8, Episode 14: "Lookin' for Japanese Subs"
Alan: Oh, what's to become of my son?
Charlie: Don't worry, Alan, there'll always be carnivals.
• Rating: 1.0 / 5.0
Alan: You have to forget about her, Charlie.
Charlie: (holding bottle of liquor) I know, that's why I got me some milk of amnesia.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Alan: What happens if her husband catches you?
Charlie: Then he shoots me and you can have my house and car.
Alan: Go to her, Charlie. She's waiting!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
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Total Quotes: 796