Charlie Harper Quotes
Alan: What about her tattoo of you on her left butt cheek?
Charlie: I wish she hadn't done that. After she takes a hot bath I start to look like Edward James Olmos.
What's up Mccallen? We can grow old together. You're only 20 and I doubt you're gonna make it to 21.
Alan: Charlie, if you do what I think you're going to do, I swear I will never speak to you again.
Charlie: Really? Then by all means tell me exactly what you think I'm going to do.
Lyndsey: I think you underestimate your brother.
Charlie: Oh, it's not an estimate. I already got the bill.
Lyndsey: Oh, God. You saw "Cinnamon's Buns?"
Charlie: Not all the way through. Though I'm very familiar with the bakery shop scene in the middle. You know, with the frosting gun?
Charlie: Give me in the lay of the land.
Lyndsey: You mean who in this land can you lay?
Charlie: Wow, you really missed the signals.
Alan: What signals?
Charlie: For me it was her taking off her sweater and saying, "Quick do me before Alan gets back from his trumpet lesson."
Lyndsey: I'm way past guys like you.
Charlie: What do you mean guys like me?
Lyndsey: I mean guys I have to dip ammonium before I let them anywhere near me.
Alan: I'm not gay, I'm just meterosexual.
Charlie: That's just a gay man that can't get laid.
Girl in Bar: Thank you.
Charlie: For what?
Girl in Bar: I came in here tonight because I was angry at my pig of a boyfriend, but after listening to you, I realize I was unfair to him. There is something below pig.
Charlie: Well, glad I could help.
Charlie: Courtney went home. We broke up.
Alan: Oh, and you're trying to fill the void and mend a broken heart at DanishMunchers.com.
Dr. Freeman: ... non-familial relationships.
Charlie: Why didn't you just say friends?
Dr. Freeman: I got the diplomas, Charlie, I like to use them.