Popular Charlie Harper Quotes
Charlie: I think she punched my right nut into my ribcage.
Evelyn: Poor baby. Want me to take a look?
Charlie: No thanks.
Evelyn: I have seen them before. I'd imagine they're hanging a lot lower now.
Charlie: Right back at you mom.
Evelyn: Touche, darling.
Charlie: You guys are no fun, I'm gonna call a hooker.
Lyndsey: Charlie, there's two boys in the house!
Charlie: Let them get their own hookers.
Charlie: I promise I'll get a quiet hooker.
Alan: Believe or not, that's a real concession on his part.
I did a babysitter once. My mom was furious.
Charlie: You'd really be willing to risk your marriage over a cute, young babysitter?
Herb: I certainly wouldn't risk it over a fat, ugly one.
Chris: I just found out I have a lump on my groin.
Herb: Bad place for a lump.
Charlie: Tell me a good place.
Herb: Someone else's groin.
Chris, I believe you know my brother. The man who's banging your wife and burnt down your house.
Alan: She left her kid there. She's got to come back.
Charlie: Would you come back for that kid?
Alan: She's never coming back.
Evelyn: When this heals, I'll have the face of a twelve year old girl.
Charlie: But from the neck down you'll have an the body of an Egyptian mummy.
Charlie: Does she still have a Hitler mustache on the Russian front?
Alan: I wouldn't know. I was blindfolded and hog tied.
Jake: You're cheap.
Alan: I'm not cheap. I'm broke. There's a difference.
Charlie: He was cheap long before he was broke.
Dr. Shankman: Is there anything else you'd like done while you're out? A little lipo, nose job, penis enlargement?
Charlie: No, no, thanks. For the record, I got the penis enlargement when you (Nurse Kendra) walked in the room.
