Popular Charlie Harper Quotes
Charlie: Did you have sex in my bed?
Alan: Um, no. Actually, the romance of the night pretty much evaporated when you curled up at our feet like a drunken Labrador.
Charlie: I think I need to go see my shrink.
Alan: Work out some issues?
Charlie: Renew my prescriptions.
Alan: Much more in character.
Dr. Freeman: Are you drinking?
Charlie: Just the occasional glass with dinner.
Dr. Freeman: Uh huh. And how many dinners have you had today?
Charlie: Three, so far.
Dr: What do you consider being truly intimate with a woman?
Charlie: Not using a condom?
Dr. Freeman: ... non-familial relationships.
Charlie: Why didn't you just say friends?
Dr. Freeman: I got the diplomas, Charlie, I like to use them.
Charlie: Courtney went home. We broke up.
Alan: Oh, and you're trying to fill the void and mend a broken heart at DanishMunchers.com.
Girl in Bar: Thank you.
Charlie: For what?
Girl in Bar: I came in here tonight because I was angry at my pig of a boyfriend, but after listening to you, I realize I was unfair to him. There is something below pig.
Charlie: Well, glad I could help.
Alan: I'm not gay, I'm just meterosexual.
Charlie: That's just a gay man that can't get laid.
Lyndsey: I'm way past guys like you.
Charlie: What do you mean guys like me?
Lyndsey: I mean guys I have to dip ammonium before I let them anywhere near me.
Charlie: Wow, you really missed the signals.
Alan: What signals?
Charlie: For me it was her taking off her sweater and saying, "Quick do me before Alan gets back from his trumpet lesson."
Charlie: Give me in the lay of the land.
Lyndsey: You mean who in this land can you lay?
Lyndsey: Oh, God. You saw "Cinnamon's Buns?"
Charlie: Not all the way through. Though I'm very familiar with the bakery shop scene in the middle. You know, with the frosting gun?
