Popular Charlie Harper Quotes
Alan: I just wanted to say, "I'm always here for you."
Charlie: Never doubted that.
Alan: Thank you.
Charlie: Wasn't a compliment.
Alan: You're a very lucky guy, Charlie.
Charlie: I ran through a plate glass window and you puked in my piano. How is that lucky?
Alan: You could have bleed to death. I could vomited on my shoes.
Charlie: Those are my shoes.
Alan: Which is why you're lucky.
Berta: I also found a half written suicide note in your brother's handwriting. Should I be nervous?
Charlie: You mean that he won't get through with it?
Diamonds get you skull in the backseat of a limo. Pottery Barny won't get you dry humped in the back of a city bus.
Alan: It was like I was in a dream and my hands belonged to someone else.
Charlie: I have that one all the time. Except in mine, the hands do belong to someone else.
Courtney: Charlie, you shouldn't have!
Charlie: Well, you've done a lot of things for me you shouldn't have.
Alan: Charlie, do you have any idea how bad you're making me look?
Charlie: That's not me. It's genetics and barber school haircuts.
Courtney: I hope you don't mind i used your tooth brush
Charlie: Where'd you use it?
Courtney: No where your mouth hasn't been.
Charlie: I was fantasizing about other women.
Courtney: That doesn't necessarily mean it's over.
Charlie: I pretended you were the big blue chick from Avatar.
Courtney: It's over.
Charlie: For every gorgeous woman out there's a guy tired of banging her.
Alan: But that guy is never me.
He's an alcoholic with a lot of money. There's nothing you can do about people like that. The best you can do is be nice to them so you can inherit their house when they crap out their liver.
Charlie: Why did I wake up in your bed?
Alan: You passed out there.
Charlie: Did we break any biblical laws?
