The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Comic Book Guy Quotes
Behold! I am Captain Kirk from Star Trek 1! 2 ... 5 ... Generations ... Boston Legal.
(Homer daydreams about having his own recording studio)
Homer: Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed buuuuuunnn... (drools)
Guy: Homer, you're drooling on the mike again.
(When we return to reality, Homer is still drooling)
James Brown: Wait a minute. This bandstand wasn't double-bolted!
Construction Guy: I didn't feel like doing it.
Homer: Right on, brother!
Marge: I don't want to judge the rightness of your ego orientation, but my inner critic is telling me you should have done your job.
(Krusty Burger in the middle of the sea)
Guy: We tried to tell you these are unmanned oil rigs.
Krusty: Ah, close the damn thing down, no one's ever going to come.
Homer: (bursts in door) Give me 700 Krusty Burgers!
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Do you want fries with that?
(Homer digs into a big pile of burgers)
Bart: You did it, Dad! You saved us!
Homer: (mouth full) Go away. Eating.
Homer: Moe, I need your advice... See I've got this friend named Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I've ever heard.
Guy: (Runs out of the bar, crying)
Barney: Aye! Joey Joe Joe!
Homeless Guy: Got any spare change?
Grampa: Yeah! And you ain't gettin' it! Everybody wants something for nothing! (Walks into the Social Security Office) I'm old, gimme gimme gimme!
Kent Brockman: Yeah, I know I'm on...but I don't care! I don't read the news until I get my danish. Go ahead, try to find a replacement.
Bumblebee Guy: A powerful tidal wave in Kuala Lumpur has killed 120 people. Aye Chihuahua!
No groaning in my store.
Marge: This isn't a line for a movie, why are you dressed in that costume?
Comic Book Guy: Because I am afraid of needles, but Wolverine is not.
(Comic Book Guy bursts into Coolsville.)
Comic Book Guy: Attention, comic book aficionados! (Points at Milo) This man is not one of us. (Comic Book Guy points at Strawberry, crowd gasps.) He has a girlfriend!
Strawberry: My name is Strawberry. My purse is a lunch box.
(Comic Book Guy has just noticed a new comic store that has opened up across the street.)
Comic Book Guy: Philip K Dick! It can't be! It's as if Superman moved to Gotham City!
Martin: Which he did, in World's Finest Comics #94. (Points to the comic.) See?
Comic Book Guy: That was an imaginary story, dreamt by Jimmy Olsen after he was kicked in the head by Supergirl's horse, Comet. It never really happened.
Bart: None of these things ever really happened.
Comic Book Guy: Get out of my store.
Comic Book Guy: Nice work, Doctor Boo-Who. Your tears have smudged Wolverine's iconic sideburns. Hence, you must buy this comic. And the cost of your innocent accident is... 25 dollars, please.
Milhouse: But that's the money Yaya Sophia gave me for Greek Orthodox Easter.
Comic Book Guy: (Sighs) I hate when they tell me things about themselves.
