And that is why The Lord of the Rings can never be filmed!

</i> Young Comic Book Guy

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Your music violates everything punk stands for, which is nothing! You are no longer welcome at CBGB's--Comic Book Guy's Bar.

</i> Comic Book Guy

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(Using peanuts as a threat, Bart forces Skinner to do things against his will at Comic Book Guy's shop.)
Principal Skinner: (Clears throat) Excuse me. I'm supposed to stand in your store window and breast-feed Bilbo Baggins.
Comic Book Guy: Your cowering suggests that Bart has found your kryptonite.
Principal Skinner: Kryptonite? What's that? The "ite" suffix suggests a mineral.
Comic Book Guy: I do not know whether to laugh or cry at your ignorance. I shall laugh. Ha, ha! Kryptonite is Superman's greatest weakness.
Principal Skinner: Wait, maybe Bart has a kryptonite!
Comic Book Guy: Perhaps. But for now you may suckle your Baggins.
(Comic Book Guy hands a Bilbo Baggins doll to Principal Skinner.)

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Homer: They killed Graystache!
Guy: Thanks for the spoiler, big mouth!
(Throws book at Homer)

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Marge: This is so exciting! Watching a movie outside with the whole town.
Comic Book Guy: Yes, thank you for talking to one of us like we just tuned in! (his lawn chair collapses) Ooh, a fat man falls! Real original!

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(After Bart brought Marge's character back to life)
Marge: Wait till I tell the other moms you gave two-thirds of your life force to save me. What a good boy.
(An angry mob busts in)
Moe: He's weak!
Comic Book Guy: Slay him and take his experience points!
Bart: Wait, stop. If you kill me, I'll egg your houses in real life!
Mrs. Krabapel: It's still worth it!
(She stabs Bart in the eye)

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Your scar, like Tom Cruise's last good movie, was Born on the Fourth of July.

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Okay, but don't read our subtitles.

CIA Guy

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Comic Book Guy: How do you know the bride?
Marge: I'm her sister, you?
Comic Book Guy: I bought her ping pong table off cragislist. Color yourself slighted.

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My email address is edna172. It's the lowest number I could get.

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I still wear your bra.

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Worst climbing Everest.

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