Dwight Schrute Quotes
Pam: If you wanna do something for the funeral...
Dwight: Yes, please.
Pam: Maybe you could play a song on your recorder.
Dwight: Excellent.
Pam: Do you have it with you?
Dwight: Always.
When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
Dwight: Look. I gave him a six-foot extension cord so he can't chase us.
Michael: That's perfect.
Creed: It's a real shame about Ed, huh?
Michael: Yeah. It must really have you thinking.
Creed: About what?
Michael: The older you get, the bigger the chances you're gonna die. You knew that.
Creed: Ed was decapitated.
Michael: What?
Dwight: Really?
Creed: He was drunk as a skunk. He was flying down Route 6. He slides under an 18 wheeler. Pop. Snaps right off.
Michael: Oh my God.
Dwight: That is the way to go. Instant death. Very smart.
Creed: You know, a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated.
Dwight: You're thinking of a chicken.
Creed: What did I say?
[to Angela] If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice.
Dwight
When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
Michael: I shall now be serving Dwight's job as Assistant Regional Manager.
Dwight: That's Assistant to the Regional Manager.
Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan's been bitching out on him. Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.
Dwight
Angela: It's really happening!
Dwight: Yes.
Angela: We can make a difference here.
Dwight: I will make a difference here.
Angela: You? Alone? 'Cause I thought together we could ...
Dwight: Oh, please, don't be naive. But you could be in charge of the women.
Michael: Hey, I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put it?
Dwight: They have this new kind of quick-drying bonding.
Michael: Oh? Sounds like a good dentist.
Dwight: Yeah...
Michael: What's his name?
Dwight: [pauses] Crentist.
Michael: Your dentist's name is Crentist? Hmm. Sounds a lot like dentist.
Dwight: Maybe that's why he became a dentist.
Michael: [looking at hotel bed under black light] Whoa, what are all those stains?
Dwight: Blood, urine or semen.
Michael: Oh god, I hope it's urine.
Dwight: (sees Jerome Bettis) Why do they call him The Bus?
Michael: Because he's afraid to fly.
