Elaine: Marla and I went out for coffee and afterwards I was crossing the street and he was biking right towards me. So I got out of the way just in time, but then he ran into a parked car. He hit his head and everything went flying.
George: Something happened to the food?!!

This whole sex thing is totally overrated. Now, the one thing you gotta be ready for is how the man changes into a completely different person five seconds after it's over. I mean, something happens to their personality. It's really quite astounding. It's like they committed a crime and they want to flee the scene before the police get there.

Elaine: You left your door open.
Joe Davola: I know, I like to encourage intruders.

You know, it's so sad that all you know about high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Elaine: Are you alright? You don't seem like yourself
Joe: Who am I?
Elaine: Good question..very existential. Who am I?..well obviously (looking at wall of photos of her)

Oh, dammit, you know I just remembered I gotta go. I left something on, the gas, the lights, the water in the tub. Something is on somewhere so Im just gonna get the uh

Maybe I'll go visit my mother. She just bought me some new panties and they're alllaid out for me.

(apologizing for Jerry) It's very hard being a stand-up comedian. Sometimes they don't laugh!

(Talking about George.)
Jerry: Look at him! he's going like a hundred miles an hour!"
Elaine: Yeah but it's not enough for George to go fast, he's gotta make good time.
Jerry: I know. He once made it from West 81st St. All the way to Kennedy Airport in 25 minutes, I never heard the end of it!

(George is driving too fast as Jerry is following him)
Jerry: What's he doing? What is his hurry?
Elaine: Well, you know George. It's not good enough to get there. You gotta make good timing.
Jerry: I know he once went from West 81st Street to Kennedy Airport in 25 minutes. I never heard the end of it.
(Elaine laughs quietly)
Jerry: Look at him.

Elaine: Well, what about the sleeping arrangements in the cabin?
Jerry: Well, um, same bed and uh, underwear and a tee shirt.
Elaine: What about me?
Jerry: You'll be naked, of course.

(Jerry has lost track of George's car)
Jerry: What is he doing? Is he out of his mind? Do you see him? I don't even think I see him anymore. Where is he?
Elaine: Isn't that blue car him?
Jerry: No, no that's not him. What happened to him. I can't believe it. I lost him. That stupid idiot. Now what are we gonna do?
Elaine: It's no big deal, Jerry. We'll just meet him at the bubble boy's house.
Jerry: I don't even know where the bubble boy lives. I don't even remember the name of the town.
Elaine: You don't have the directions?
Jerry: No, I was following him.
Elaine: How could you not take the directions?
Jerry: Because HE'S my directions.

Seinfeld Quotes

George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get.
George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that's really not fair.
Jerry: I know. Well, okay. Okay. What else do you like?
George: Movies. I like to watch movies.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah.
George: Do they pay people to watch movies?
Jerry: Projectionists.
George: That's true.
Jerry: But you gotta know how to work the projector.
George: Right.
Jerry: And it's probably a union thing.
George: (scoffs) Those unions. (sighs) Okay. Sports, movies what about a talk show host?
Jerry: Talk show host. That's good.
George: I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone even told me once they thought I'd be a good talk show host.
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah. A couple of people. I don't get that, though. Where do you start?
Jerry: Well, that's where it gets tricky.
George: You can't just walk into a building and say "I wanna be a talk show host".
Jerry: I wouldn't think so.
George: It's all politics.
Jerry: All right, okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. What else?
George: This could have been a huge mistake.
Jerry: Well, it doesn't sound like you completely thought this through.

Punk Dude: Hey Kramer, have you ever killed a man?!
Kramer: What do you think Junior? You think these hands - they've been soaking in Ivory Liquid?