Bobby: I don't get this timezone crap. How can it be one time here and then another time at home. This isn't Star Trek.
Ellie: I wonder what you're doing in Florida right now.

Ellie: What do you want him to do? Live here until he's 60 so you two can spend every second of your lives together?
Jules: Oh my God that would be amazing.

Ellie: Are those all our houses?
Grayson: And that's us there, burning alive. You don't even have a head. No, wait, there it is.
Ellie: Why is my severed head still screaming?

Ellie: You should be spraying it from the other side to push it all towards the curb.
Grayson: Are you really telling me how to hose?

Grayson: Like Children of the Corn.
Ellie: I crown you King of the Wussies.
Jules: They don't blink.
Ellie: I feel cold.
Grayson: Told ya!

Ellie: What the hell? I don't want to have see this everyday.
Jules: Really, rainbows get you riled up?

Ellie: Hello Tom, to what do we owe the creepy displeasure?
Tom: Jules left her curtains open. That's how she signals me to come over.

Ellie: If I get murdered I need you to tell the police something.
Laurie: Seriously, if I had a dime.

Ellie: You know if they just wanted to see some dumb, townie ho floppin' her ta-tas all they need to do is stay here and give ten dollars to-
Laurie: Yeah, yeah, yeah I know where you're goin' with this.
Ellie: Let me finish. You.

Forget for one second that if you let one Torres into your home every second and third cousin on the Eastern Seaboard will drop by to say hi.

Ellie: Eat your chips, Jellybean.
Laurie: I don't wanna.
Ellie. Play with the bag.

Ellie: You use four towels every shower
Jules: Face, body, hair, feet!

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Did you finally get a visit from the nutsack fairy?

Ellie