Evelyn Harper Quotes (Page 2)
Season 8, Episode 8: "Springtime on a Stick"
Evelyn: You go out with a girl and break up with her hoo-hah can develop a 5'o clock shadow.
Alan: Well, in his defense mom, he's usually paying by the hour.
• Rating: Unrated
Evelyn: If you excuse me, I'm going to go drown my sorrows in alcohol.
Charlie: If you're not committed to alcohol, there's a whole big ocean out there.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 8, Episode 7: "The Crazy Bitch Gazette"
Evelyn: Children are God's little way of punishing us for having sex.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Evelyn: You're a dermatologist. How do I get rid of 170 lb skin tag?
Alan: Excuse me, 164.
Charlie: Really? That's the part of you object to?
Alan: Would you like to be called a 200 lb drunk?
Charlie: 180.
Alan: See?
Charlie: Yeah, well better a lush than a leach.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Evelyn: A doctor? You have access to Charlie's medical records and you still wanted to date him?
• Rating: Unrated
Michelle: You have a wonderful son.
Evelyn: Yes I do. But Charlie and Alan must never learn of him.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 8, Episode 5: "The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel"
Evelyn: That 60 Minutes report on Dr. Shankman was entirely one-sided, just like that poor woman's vagina.
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Evelyn: When this heals, I'll have the face of a twelve year old girl.
Charlie: But from the neck down you'll have an the body of an Egyptian mummy.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 8, Episode 3: "A Pudding-Filled Cactus"
Charlie: I think she punched my right nut into my ribcage.
Evelyn: Poor baby. Want me to take a look?
Charlie: No thanks.
Evelyn: I have seen them before. I'd imagine they're hanging a lot lower now.
Charlie: Right back at you mom.
Evelyn: Touche, darling.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Evelyn: Desperate?
Charlie: Like a gold fish in the leaky bag.
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 86