George Costanza Quotes
The story is the foundation of all entertainment. You must have a good story otherwise it's just masturbation.
(Jerry and George are inside the coffee shop, hiding from Joe Davola)
Jerry: Is he out there? Do you see him?
George: I'm not sure.
Jerry: Well, either you see him or you don't.
George: All right, I don't.
That's good judgment. That's a pile of judgment there.
I can't do this Jerry. I can't do it. I tried, I'm here, it's impossible!
George: Why don't they have salsa on the table?
Jerry: What do you need salsa for?
George: Salsa is now the number one condiment in America.
Jerry: You know why? Because people like to say "salsa." "Excuse me, do you have any salsa?" We need more salsa." "Where's the salsa? No salsa?"
George: You know, it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order seltzer and not get salsa. "I wanted seltzer, not salsa!"
Jerry: "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?! You have the seltzer after the salsa!"
Jerry: You want to go with me to NBC?
George: Yeah, I think we really got something here.
Jerry: What do we got?
George: An idea.
Jerry: What idea?
George: An idea for the show.
Jerry: I still don't know what the idea is.
George: It's about nothing.
George: Everybody's doing something, we'll do nothing.
Jerry: So, we go into NBC, we tell them we got an idea for a show about nothing?
Jerry: They say, "What's your show about?" I say, "Nothing."
George: There you go.
(A moment passes)
Jerry: (nodding) I think you may have something here.
George: Look, you do all the talking, OK?
Jerry: Relax! Who are they?
George: Yeah, they're not better than me.
Jerry: Of course not.
George: Who are they?
Jerry: They're nobody.
George: What about me?
Jerry: What about you?
George: Why them? Why not me?
Jerry: Why not you?
George: I'm as good as them.
George: You really think so?
George: I think I can sum up the show for you with one word: Nothing.
George: I can't do this, I can't do this.
George: I can't do this, I can't do it. I've tried, I'm here, it's impossible.
Jerry: Hey, this was your idea.
George: What idea? I just said something. I didn't know you were gonna listen to me!
(He smacks Jerry's forehead)
Jerry: Don't worry about it. They're just TV executives.
George: They're men with jobs, Jerry! They wear suits and ties! They're married, they have secretaries!
Russell: Well, why am I watching it?
George: Because it's on TV.
Russell: (pausing) Not yet.
George: There's a bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies up there.
Jerry: What kind?
Jerry: Cops eating Milanos, what kind of crazy town is this?
George: We're friends of a serial killer.
Criminal: Oh, that's nice.
Jerry: Suspected serial killer, he didn't actually do it.
George: We're pretty sure he didn't do it.