George Costanza Quotes
George: What kind of a person are you?
Jerry: I think I'm pretty much like you, only successful.
- Permalink: What kind of a person are you? I think I'm pretty much like yo...
(to housekeeper) I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body.
- Permalink: I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your...
George: Let me ask you something... What do you do for a living, Newman?Newman: I'm a United States postal worker.George: Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?Newman: Sometimes.Jerry: Why is that?Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. There's never a letup, It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more, but the more you get out, the more it keeps coming. And then the bar code reader breaks. And then it's Publisher's Clearinghouse day.Jerry: All right, all right.
- Permalink: All right, all right.
George: What are you talking about? How can you sit there and look me in the eye and tell that me you're not worried?! Don't you have any sense?! Don't you have a brain!? Are you so completely senile that you don't know what you're talking about anymore!!?! Wait a second! Where are you going?
Mr. Cantwell: Life's too short to waste on you.
- Permalink: What are you talking about? How can you sit there and look me in...
George: (trying one more tactic to end their relationship) I'm gay! I'm a gay man! I'm very, very gay.
Allison: You're gay?
George: Extraordinarily gay. Steeped in gayness.
- Permalink: I'm gay! I'm a gay man! I'm very, very gay. You're gay? Extr...
(trying to convince a reporter that he's not gay) Look, you wanna have sex right now? Do want to have sex with me right now? Let's go! C'mon, let's go baby! C'mon!
- Permalink: Look, you wanna have sex right now? Do want to have sex with me ...
George: Two tickets to "Guys And Dolls"! I'm gonna go with you!
Jerry: "Guys And Dolls"? Isn't that a lavish, Broadway musical?
George: It's "Guys And Dolls," not "Guys And Guys."
- Permalink: Two tickets to Guys And Dolls! I'm gonna go with you! Guys And...
Not that there's anything wrong with that!</i> Jerry and/or George
- Permalink: Not that there's anything wrong with that!
Kramer: Come on, I thought we were all gonna take a steam.
Jerry & George: No! No Steam!
Kramer: Well I don't wanna sit there naked all by myself!
- Permalink: Come on, I thought we were all gonna take a steam. No! No Stea...
(explaining how he and Jerry met) Actually it was in gym class. I was trying to climb the ropes and Jerry was spotting me. I kept slipping and burning my thighs and then finally I slipped and fell on Jerry's head. We've been close ever since.
- Permalink: Actually it was in gym class. I was trying to climb the ropes an...
I'm Buck Naked!
- Permalink: I'm Buck Naked!
You can do better than me. You could throw a dart out the window and hit someone better than me. I'm no good!
- Permalink: You can do better than me. You could throw a dart out the window...
Elaine: (referring to Dr. Reston) He's like a Svenjolly.
Elaine: What did I say?
Elaine: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
George: Svenjolly. (licking some peanut butter off his finger)
Elaine: I don't see how I could've said Svenjolly.
Jerry: Well, maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you.
- Permalink: He's like a Svenjolly. Svengali. What did I say? Svenjolly...
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I can't get a massage from a man.George
- Permalink: I can't get a massage from a man.
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