George: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.
Jerry: What did you do?
George: I zipped up!
Elaine: So, she fell?
George: Yeah. Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!

Jerry: Alright, Costanza. It's just you and me.
George: And then, (smacks the money) there were two.
Elaine: Elaine Benes Kennedy Junior

Jerry: What happened?
Elaine: It was, uh, John John.
Jerry and George: Ohhhhh. John John.

Jerry: (looks out the window, shocked) Oh my God in heaven!
(all three crowd around the window)
Elaine: (gasps) Is that?
George: Kramer?!
Elaine: He's waving
(all three wave back)

George: I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes. Nobody was there. They're supposed to be working. My mother had a Glamour magazine; I started leafing through it
Jerry: Glamour?
(Kramer and Elaine laugh slightly)
George: So, one thing lead to another
Jerry: So, what did she do?
George: First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!"

Jerry: (after George tells him about the hot nurse who gives sponge baths to the gorgeous patient)
Well, I guess you'll be going back to that hospital.
George: Well Jerry, my mother...

(after learning that Elaine is out of the "contest")
George: You caved?!
Jerry: It's over?!
George: You're out?!
Jerry: Oh my God, the Queen is dead!

Jerry: What's the matter?
George: My mother caught me.
Jerry: Caught you? Doing what?
George: You know. (All three give him blank stares) I was alone
Elaine: You mean..?!
George: (Nods) Uh-huh.
Kramer: (laughing) She caught you?

George: What are you doing tonight?
Jerry: Date with Marla.
George: Oh, the virgin? Any progress there, what's the latest?
Jerry: Well, I've got my troops amassed along the border. I'm just waiting for someone to give me the go-ahead.

Jerry: I haven't been myself lately. I've been snapping at everybody.
George: Me too. I've been yelling at strangers on the street.

Elaine: Marla and I went out for coffee and afterwards I was crossing the street and he was biking right towards me. So I got out of the way just in time, but then he ran into a parked car. He hit his head and everything went flying.
George: Something happened to the food?!!

George: Hey, what about this? I'm in a car accident. The motorist is uninsured, you with me?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: My car's totaled. It's all his fault and now, he has absolutely no money. There is no way that he can pay me. So the judge decrees that he becomes my butler.

Seinfeld Quotes

George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get.
George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that's really not fair.
Jerry: I know. Well, okay. Okay. What else do you like?
George: Movies. I like to watch movies.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah.
George: Do they pay people to watch movies?
Jerry: Projectionists.
George: That's true.
Jerry: But you gotta know how to work the projector.
George: Right.
Jerry: And it's probably a union thing.
George: (scoffs) Those unions. (sighs) Okay. Sports, movies what about a talk show host?
Jerry: Talk show host. That's good.
George: I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone even told me once they thought I'd be a good talk show host.
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah. A couple of people. I don't get that, though. Where do you start?
Jerry: Well, that's where it gets tricky.
George: You can't just walk into a building and say "I wanna be a talk show host".
Jerry: I wouldn't think so.
George: It's all politics.
Jerry: All right, okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. What else?
George: This could have been a huge mistake.
Jerry: Well, it doesn't sound like you completely thought this through.

Punk Dude: Hey Kramer, have you ever killed a man?!
Kramer: What do you think Junior? You think these hands - they've been soaking in Ivory Liquid?