Glenn Quagmire Quotes
Quagmire: Baldness is for women's crotches, not men's heads.
Peter: There ya go, that's pretty gross.
Quagmire: Hey slow down, drive like hell, you'll get there!
Peter: Quagmire, what the hell are you doing?
Quagmire: I'm letting all these hot rodders know this is a neighborhood, not a speedway track!
Joe: It feels good to know that thanks to me and my colleagues, a lot fewer people will be injecting cocaine into their penises tonight.
Peter: Is that a thing?
Quagmire: It's a great thing.
Hey kid, come here. I wanna see if I can still smell your mom's boobs on your mouth.
Peter: I mean, who says the body next to you has to be male or female? Or whatever!
Quagmire: Or alive!
Peter: Yeah! Well, no. But yeah!
Peter: "I'M Back Bush?"
Quagmire: "This can't be a surprise to you, Peter."
Peter: "Yea, I knew, I just didn't know you knew!"
Carter: "Hey Quandry."
Quagmire: "No, no it's Quagmire."
"O come on! They don't own French fries!"
Joe: "I know, an exciting day for me is when I watch wheelchair porn. Boy do sparks fly on those."
Quagmire: "Oh is it hot?"
Joe: "Eh, it's mostly chairs smashing into each other."
"Peaches, Ginger, Honey, Candy, Olive... oh you know what? This is the wrong journal..."
Meg: "Hey, when you get sexually abused in a coma, do you know it's happening and can't do anything about it, or do you just not know what's going on?"
Quagmire: "I also am curious about that."
Peter: Eddie Izard would be very discreet.
Quagmire: Well, there's your answer.