Grampa: Anyway, about my washtub...I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a "walking bird". We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, Injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called "baseball."

Lisa: Well I'm not going to accomplish anything just sitting here--
Grampa: And griping. It's time for--
Lisa: Action! I've got to talk to that woman who invented Malibu Stacy and see if I can get her to--
Grampa: Come out of retirement. I'm gonna get me a job...a real Malibu...and see if Stacy...can!
Lisa: You're getting a job.
Grampa: Yes! I'm going where the action is.

"Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart" Lyrics
Apu: You see, whether igloo hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic dome,
There's no structure I have been to, which I'd rather call my home.
Grampa: Hello. (Apu takes his walking stick)Aaah!
Apu: When I first arrived, you were all such jerks,
But now I've come to looooooove your quirks.
Maggie with her eyes so bright,
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright,
Lisa can philosophize; Bart's adept at spinning lies,
Homer's a delightful fella, sorry about the salmonella.
Homer: Heh heh, that's OK.
(Apu pulls out a chair Grampa was about to sit on and stands on it)
Grampa: Aaah!
Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here's the tricky part.
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Marge: Their floors are Stick-E-Mart,
Lisa: They make Dad Sick-E-Mart,
Bart: Let's hurl a Brick-E-Mart,
Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real D'oh!
All: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Apu: Not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Simpsons: Forget the Kwik-E-Mart,
Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart,
Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?
Apu: Not me!
Homer: Things wrapped up quite nicely, and much earlier than usual.
Apu: (Apu sorrowfully singing) Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart I dooooo.
Homer: Hey! He lied to us through song, I hate when people do that.

Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three - medium brown.

There was something different about the way he was walking that day. Much more vertical than usual. (Molloy was climbing with rappel.)

</i> Grampa

I'm filled with piss and vinegar! At first, I was just filled with vinegar.

Grampa: You see? Old people aren't so useless after all. Malloy's old and he outsmarted the lot of you. And I'm even older and I outsmarted him. (Laughs)
Moe: Shut up.
Grampa: I've had my moment.

Grampa: Hah! The way people act around here, you'd think the streets were paved with gold.
Jasper: They are.

Homeless Guy: Got any spare change?
Grampa: Yeah! And you ain't gettin' it! Everybody wants something for nothing! (Walks into the Social Security Office) I'm old, gimme gimme gimme!

That raccoon stole my lamb chop!

This cape is giving me a rash.

Vampire Grampa

Grampa: Quick! We have to kill the boy!
Marge: How did you know he's a vampire?
Grampa: He's a vampire? Ahhh!

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.