Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime
Californication

I look like a fucking FBI agent.

I'll always be buzzing around like a gnat, like a well-hung gnat, with a dream.

Get a load of black Jesus, he turn water in whiskey too?

Hank: Well here's to difficult daughters.
Julia: Cheers.
Hank: And uh here's to mothers who drink with strangers.
Julia: Cheers, Cheers.

Girl makes it sound so pleasant. I have one big pain in the ass teenage daughter.

Hank: I'm a writer Sasha not a fuck toy.
Sasha: Don't look now but your manpon string is hanging out.

Hank: I feel a hate crime coming on.
Charlie: Don't be hatin' on the good news dance.

Don't blame me because you were born with a clit for a cock and a tiny little beanbag to house what passes for balls.

Marcy

Hank: So fucking mature that I want to punch myself in the dick.
Karen: Do it!

I love me some morning sex. Daylight, smelly puss, bad breathe, bring it!

It's decided then, I'm going out tonight. Like Zig, I'm jerkin myself to Jesus.

I can't help it if some cock tard in a fedora takes a picture at the exact wrong moment.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 141 in total

Californication Quotes

She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.

Tyler

Try not to forget all the times I brought you to fruition. 33 to be exact.

Hank Moody
x Close Ad