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I look like a fucking FBI agent.

I'll always be buzzing around like a gnat, like a well-hung gnat, with a dream.

Get a load of black Jesus, he turn water in whiskey too?

Hank: Well here's to difficult daughters.
Julia: Cheers.
Hank: And uh here's to mothers who drink with strangers.
Julia: Cheers, Cheers.

Girl makes it sound so pleasant. I have one big pain in the ass teenage daughter.

Hank: I'm a writer Sasha not a fuck toy.
Sasha: Don't look now but your manpon string is hanging out.

Hank: I feel a hate crime coming on.
Charlie: Don't be hatin' on the good news dance.

Don't blame me because you were born with a clit for a cock and a tiny little beanbag to house what passes for balls.


Hank: So fucking mature that I want to punch myself in the dick.
Karen: Do it!

I love me some morning sex. Daylight, smelly puss, bad breathe, bring it!

It's decided then, I'm going out tonight. Like Zig, I'm jerkin myself to Jesus.

I can't help it if some cock tard in a fedora takes a picture at the exact wrong moment.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 141 in total

Californication Quotes

She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.


Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.