Abby: I think I'm actually seeing some of that Hank Moody mojo up close and personal.
Hank: Is my dong out?

It looks like a button on a fur coat. Well look on the bright side Charlie, it may be short but it's thin.

Where's you cock? Oh I see it, it's right under your clit.

It's true I am kind of retarded, but I'm also kind of amazing.

Should I be worried? He does seem dangerously cool. Kind of like a young Lando Calrissian, with a dream.

Hank: Sensible and trusting, that's me in a nutshell.
Abby: How high are you right now?
Hank: Significantly.

Are you guys really sisters or is this kind of like some white stripes deal?

I got a date with my dong and some hotel pornography, the good stuff too, penetration and everything.

I was just putting my thoughts in order when I was rudely interrupted by the ill affects of self-medicating.

Honey, I didn't mean to force moisture from your face.

Sasha: How do I look?
Hank: Good enough to shit on.

Hank: Probably not the best idea for me to get involved with the actress who is going to play the girl that I raped, allegedly.
Sasha: I get what you're saying, but that doesn't mean I don't want one or more of your fingers in my vagina right now.

Californication Quotes

I feel like the good lord himself picked me up with his bare hands, laid me down on a bed of rusty nails, pinned my ankles behind my ears and just stuck it in. No Vaseline no lube no nothin. Not even a little spittle. That mother fu-ker just took his Darth Vader helmet, that big Darth Vader helmet and just rammed it home. He wrecked my pretty little virgin a--hole, my sweet little brown bud. Pulled out, came on my t-ts, wiped his di-k on the curtains and left me for dead. That's just me. How bout you guys?

Hank

Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.

Lou