The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Homer Simpson Quotes
(After Homer shows Lisa the hive containing the new hybrid bees he and Moe had created)
Lisa: They sound awfully mad. Are they dangerous?
Homer: Hmm, I'm not sure. Let me check. (Lifts the lid of the hive) Are you guys dangerous? (The bees fly out of the hive and knock Homer down) A simple "Yes" would've sufficed!
Moe: Listen, Homer: in the back room, I got these super-tough Africanized bees. I saw this ad in a gentleman's magazine for excited African honeys and that's what they sent me. If we could combine them with Lisa's bees, it would make them strong enough to survive any environment.
Homer: But how are we supposed to combine the DNA of two strains of the same species?
Moe: Actually, Homer... (whispers)
Homer: (gasps) You and me?
Moe: No, the bees!
Homer: Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant, too. I... have no... inclination.
(Lisa's bees are swarming around the breakfast table)
Bart: Mom, maybe you shouldn't have put so much syrup on the pancakes.
Homer: The secret is not to swallow the stingers. (takes big bite of pancakes with bees on them, and spits stingers out into a glass)
Lisa: Dad, don't eat the bees!
Homer: They're just drones, Lisa, they only live for, like, five minutes anyway! And they only have haploid cells, not diploid like me and Bart!
Bart: Yeah! (high-fives Homer)
Homer: Marge, remember when we were talking about our worst fears?
Marge: Uh-huh.
Homer: And mine was snakes, and yours was...?
Marge: Never being a grandmother.
Homer: Really? I thought it was Lisa with a beard of bees. Well, whatever, brace yourself.
Homer: It's 4 am, you kids should have been in bed a half hour ago.
Lisa: We're watching the Nobel Prize announcement lives from Stockholm.
Homer: Ooh, the Nobies.
This town can't teach its kids or collect its garbage, but we lead the nation in pointless revenge.
he will do my bidding... at that fantasy football auction and anything else my limited imagination can come up with.
Judge Snyder: Bail is set at $25,000.
Homer: (scoffs) I make that in a year.
Stupid grocery list, making food into work.
(falling off a ski lift) Aw, c'mon gravity! You used to be cool.
Homer: You just cost me $200,000!
Bart: I thought it was 50.
Homer: I was gonna bet it on the dogs!
(After several appliances transform into robots in the kitchen)
Homer: Hmmm. Is there something different about the kitchen?
Robots: (speaking together and waving their hands) No, no, no, no, no.
(The toaster transforms into the word "NO")
Homer: Well, the toaster's never lied to me before.
