The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Homer Simpson Quotes
Homer: So how was jerk practice, boy? Did they teach you how to sing to trees, or build crappy furniture out of useless wooden logs? Huh? (chair falls apart on him) D'oh! Stupid poetic justice
Bart: Actually, we were just planning the father-son river rafting trip
Homer: (chuckles) You don't have a son.
(sadly) Oh Captain Janeway! Your mission ended too soon!
Homer: Girls are easy. Girls love daddy. Girls make birthday cards with glitter on them. Girls can marry a hockey player and get me free tickets to hockey games. Girls don't steal my lines. And girls never ask me how their body works because I have no idea.
Bart: You never told me how my body works.
Homer: Point and shoot.
Marge: Homer, there's a family of possums in here.
Homer: I call the big one "bitey."
Hey, If you don't like it, go to Russia!
I've come around on hipsters. It takes a lot of guts to all wear the same hat.
(Homer wants to keep Hans Moleman as a replacement for Bart.)
Homer: (Kisses Moleman's head.) It's like kissing a peanut.
Marge: Homer, I want that thing out of my house.
That was awesome. I feel like the Tiger Woods of sex.
Zombie Flanders: Hey Simpson! I'm feeling a mite peckish. (Evilly) Mind if I chew your ear?
(Homer shoots Ned and the others gasp.)
Bart: Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
Homer: (Surprised) He was a zombie!?
Homer: Moe...Moe...Moe.
Marge: Bart, are you going to Moe the lawn today?
Bart: Okay, but you promised me Moe money.
Marge:I Moe, I Moe!
Homer: Moe...Moe...Moe.
Lisa: When Bart's done, can we Moe to the Moevies? There's a Moetinee.
Marge: Of course, All work and Moe play makes Moe a Moe Moe.
Bart: Moemomoemoe?
Marge: Momomoemoe!
Lisa: Moememoemoemoe!
Bart: Momomomoe.
Veterinarian: This is the part of the job I hate the most. (Tosses hampster into trashcan with mini-basketball hoop)
Homer: Hey, you did the best you could.
Veterinarian: I love animals. I spend my life saving them and they can't thank me. Well, the parrots can. Let's see what's wrong with this one.
Wow, for free! Surplus drums of mayonnaise from operation "Desert Storm!"
