Jay Pritchett Quotes
Gloria: Every culture has their own traditions. For example, in our culture, the Baby Jesus is the one that brings the presents, not the Santa Claus.
Jay: That's doesn't make sense. How could a new born baby carry all those presents? They don't even know where their hands are.
Manny: At least a baby could fit through a chimney.
Jay: How could you sit on the Baby Jesus' lap? You'd squish him.
[Jay and Manny watching Miracle on 34th Street]
Manny: Are you crying?
Jay: What are you, a robot? It's a deeply emotional movie.
Manny: In Colombia, they open presents at midnight and stay up til morning.
Jay: I'm sure they do, but if you notice from the absence of goats in the streets, we're not in Colombia.
Here's the deal. Girls don't go for all that romantic stuff. They go for power and success. And since you don't have either one of those things, you're gonna be the funny guy.
Haley: This is kind of an important party.
Jay: The last thing you to do is insult someone when they invite you.
[Jay walks out]
Haley: OMG. That was so easy.
Alex: You really don't understand what just happened, do you?
Gloria [about Haley]: When I was her age I loved my grandfather, but I still wanted to be with boys.
Jay: I know, so did Claire.. and Mitchell.
Gloria: So take back your sword and go fight this sword like a bull!
Gloria: I can't hear you.
Jay: I can't hear you!
Manny: That's really as loud as I can go.
Jay: When I first heard Manny wanted to fence I was like sure, uncoordinated kid, lethal weapon, how could this go wrong?
Gloria: What do you think now?
Jay: I'm proud of our little Zorro
Gloria [about Manny]: It's in his blood. His father was a master swordsman. He was an artist with his sword! I mean, the way he throws the sword, I mean, he was legendary
Jay: You know it's a nice moment I'm having with your son, you're kind of wrecking it
Gloria: Children need to know that you believe in them; it's the most important thing. If you tell them they have wings, they will believe they can fly.
Jay: Oh really? I had a buddy that went to Woodstock, believed he could fly, didn't end great. That's why hotels' windows don't open anymore
Cameron [in a high-pitched voice]: I swear to God Im gonna break it!
Jay: Do not break the window, you're gonna get glass on her
Woman [on the phone]: Sir, please tell your wife to calm down, everything's gonna be okay.
Jay: That's a man
Gloria: Hay is very spontaneous. He's always surprising me with little presents, fun getaways
Jay: I wasn't the greatest husband the first time around. I'm trying to do better this time around. And maybe by my third marriage I'll have it down pat. Yeah, that one's gonna cost me